the happy her trails

Top Ten Reasons I'm on a Blogging Hiatus (in somewhat chronological order)

2012-02-09T20:00:00.000-10:00

1. At this very moment I am picking the laptop off the floor to continue with this post. Three seconds ago I was helping Phoebe aim for the bowl next to her on the couch. Throwing up stinks.

2. This morning I woke up with food poisoning (or a stomach bug?). Phoebe didn't show symptoms til about 4 o'clock this afternoon while playing with friends outside. Poor thing came running down the street to tell me how she was feelin'...she didn't have to say anything. I'm thankful for good neighbors, who pull hoses from garages and spray down the street while I stroke the hair of one very sad (and embarrassed) little lady.

3. A last-minute trip to the mainland for Xee's dad's 65th surprise birthday party which included one overnight flight into L.A., a drive to Fresno, where we stayed for two days, headed back to Orange County, said goodbye to Daddy, a pinch or two (or a hundred) of baby drama, lots of hugs and kisses, one very surprised sister of mine (gotcha!), precious time with my Mama, and one very hairy second week, which included.... one night of throwing up (Phoebe again), THE nastiest virus on the planet for all but my mom (thank you Lord for my Mom!), bilateral ear infections for Miss Phoebe (SERIOUSLY!!), my first (and likely last) solo flight with the two kids, one week-long sinus infection for me....deep breath. Sigh. We're home.

(Until today, this was number 1 on the list.)

P.S. Xee's dad was incredibly surprised to see us and moved to tears. It was a priceless moment and worth every effort to be there for it!!!

4. Still unpacking, reorganizing, and recovering (see number 3).

5. Four half-written posts and another dozen in my head but lack of time, creative juices, or more often than not, an inability to ignore my body's command to sleep have kept me from completing any of them. I rarely argue with my body these days.

6. The gravitational pull on my eyelids. Did I mention sleep is a priority?

7. We finally finished putting Christmas away (see number 3 again).

8. A good book awaits. Three actually. I tend to have more than one good read laying around the house in places that I might steal small doses of a paragraph or two when a moment presents itself.

9. My real life is happening in real time and I don't want to miss a thing. Magical baby milestones are happening at every turn and though I desperately want to chronicle them all, I'm just having so much fun being smack-dab in the middle it. And time alone with my husband? Also rare (see numbers 5b and 6).

10. I've had the strongest desire to go dark lately. While I find my modern conveniences quite enjoyable, in our world of facebook and smart phones, and Apps for everything imaginable, technological advances are happening at warp speed, flooding into nearly every waking moment, and if I don't put a cork in it, I might miss something really great. I might miss an opportunity to be still. To be quiet. To focus. To breathe. To be real.

Really real.

In my mind I sometimes imagine that I have a modern gal on one shoulder-happy to be juggling multiple projects, texting on my cell, running around with the kiddos, and uploading videos to YouTube...and a little Amish girl on the other-one who longs for a quiet walk in a wide-open space, and has never seen a television or a computer. Okay, maybe Amish is a bit of a stretch. I think I'm somewhere in the middle of these two little ladies. I suppose I kind of like it that way. Still, I long for a forced simplicity. I may have more to say on this later, but for now, see number 6.

Birthday Blunder

2011-12-29T21:27:00.001-10:00

Okay, before I post any current updates or pictures, can I just note that Phoebe turned five over seven months ago and for the first time since starting this blog, I did not post pictures. Why? Because there are none. Well, there are some. Okay one. I mean, maybe two. Yikes! What happened?

I had intentions to plan a birthday party in the month of May, for a May birthday. The party actually happened in June, which really, is pretty impressive that it happened at all with a new babe in the house.

So, Phoebe turned five! And we had a great time celebrating at the box car races. Somehow I managed to throw this thing together and still nurse a baby and rock him to sleep in his carrier, but the pictures?? Oops.

Can you believe my baby is five?? Actually, five and a half! May is just around the corner.

No Pictures Please

2011-12-22T14:56:00.002-10:00

I need a manager. All rock stars have managers, right? And while we're at it, how about a driver? I need one of those too. Yep, I'm a rock star alright. I even kind of resemble one in the morning. Ask my husband. When I get up, my eyes are half-open and I've got a bit of messy Billy Idol-ish mohawk thing goin' on.

And you? Many of you reading this are rock stars. You make up beds and patch boo-boos, wipe bottoms, do dishes with one hand while eating with the other, bake cookies, fold the laundry, and chop the veggies. You grade papers, take out trash, keep the plants alive (sort of), and so much more, all while entertaining the masses. You're a star. American Idol. Don't feel that way? LOL. Well, you are.

So where's my entourage? We seem to be a bit short-staffed around here lately. Me-the-chef and Me-the-maid just walked out again (they'll be back). Meanwhile, Me-the-writer and Me-the-dancer are MIA, and the rest of us are afraid if we don't find them soon we might end up in an asylum...or at the very least, self-medicating with unspiked eggnog and an obscene amount of chocolate. Darn! That's right, chocolate doesn't agree with the baby. Well alright, plain ol' vanilla ice cream then.

At lunch time today I kept trying to find some leftovers that I had put in the fridge. I couldn't even find the container, but figured that my husband had taken them to work. Hours later, I went to put tonight's leftovers in a tupperware container from the cupboard, and surprise! The leftovers! That lack of chocolate has some serious side effects! Like I said, I need a manager.

The Power of the Subconscious Mind

2011-12-20T19:40:00.002-10:00

Ever heard of a Freudian slip of the fingers? I cannot tell you how many times I have gone to email someone our IP address and typed in w-w-w dot happy her T-R-I-A-L-S dot blogspot dot com.

Alright Dr. Freud, you may have been onto something after all.

Thanks Living

2011-11-24T10:30:00.000-10:00

Count your blessings. We all know the saying. Have you ever started counting and gotten all the way to a thousand? What started as a friend's challenge for Ann Voskamp led to her best selling book, One Thousand Gifts.

Since I haven't actually read the book, this isn't a recommendation. I'll add it to my long list of reads I may or may not get to this year (or next for that matter). But I love the concept behind the book. My friend sent me the video clip below, and it really resonated with me because it so eloquently echos what I have been experiencing in my own personal walk with God. Slowing down. Opening my eyes. Waking up.

Phoebe and I started a blessings journal. We haven't gotten to a thousand yet, but we're working on it. This life is a gift. This life is beautiful. Bountiful.

So I am thankful.

I am thankful.

I am thankful for dirty dishes because it means I am fed. I am thankful for laundry because I have clothes on my back. I am thankful for dust because it means I have shelter. I am thankful for toys and wet towels on bathroom floors. I am thankful for sticky fingers and chocolate milk mustaches. I'm thankful for raindrops on flowers and puffy, white clouds. I am thankful for peanut butter cookies and purple tennis shoes. I'm thankful for music and laughter and dance, for squishy babies and rainbows and marriage and sunset after glorious sunset!

I am thankful.

While you scurry to get the gravy in the boat and the bird cooked just right, the kids won't sit still while Grandpa says Grace, and the life that you live seems like a colorful blur of madness...STOP.

Look right.

Look left.

Do you see them?

Abundance

Grace

Mercy

Freedom

Faith

Hope

Love

EXTRAORDINARY LOVE

Gifts

The Martins

2011-11-07T13:53:00.002-10:00

Recently we had the privilege of seeing our dear friends, Don and Linda Martin. This dynamic couple came into our lives when Xee helped them with a Marriott transaction. They hit it off and soon after, I got to meet them too. Every year they come to Ko Olina for a vacation and we get together for dinner. Xee was out of town this year during their visit, so he missed them, but Phoebe, Ezra and I were so blessed by their visit. Phoebe was especially thrilled to have Auntie Linda around for some fancy tea and a shopping extravaganza in her royal bedroom. What a pair! We love you Don and Linda and we can't wait to see you next year!!!

The Boy

2011-10-12T14:25:00.001-10:00

Here are some recent videos of our little Ezra. He is such a joy!

Photo Ops

2011-09-22T21:31:00.001-10:00

Well folks, with our days filled to the brim with giggles and wiggles, play dough and poopy diapers, there is only so much time to squeeze in a little blog time. Here are a few more pictures of the last several months around here, though not in chronological order. I am loving being a Mommy of two amazing kiddos. Ezra is beginning to show us more and more personality, and Phoebe...well, you all know she's got plenty of that! We are enjoying our time as a family and loving life in beautiful Hawaii. We are incredibly blessed!

Sissy Love

Ezra's napped almost exclusively in the baby carrier for his first several months....eating was a bit tricky!

Ah, teething...

Nice day for a dip

His first rash guard

Looking so fancy in a crown...

The Bumbo didn't last long with this guy, who definitely lives up to the title, "Bouncing Baby Boy"! You should see me try to wrestle him into his pajamas every night!!

Look familiar? This boy would suck one, two, or even three fingers at a time until
recently settling on his thumb. Another self-soother in the family!

Thanks for the "Baby Legs" Melynne!

His first ride on the back!

Look at me sitting up all by myself!

This girl has an eye for fashion...

Hey, they can ride together in the Costco cart!

Another fancy accessory for the boy!

Just hangin'

He used to carry Phoebe like this too!

Phoebe likes to hike with Daddy. This is the view from Diamond Head. She does this one on her own...mostly!

Having a "moment" on one of
their many adventures together.

Sunrise view from one of Xee's early morning hikes...gorgeous!

This Journey

2011-09-13T22:04:00.000-10:00

I don't quite know when it happened. When did she get so tall? Has her face changed yet again? Did I not just pull her out of a baby pouch and stand her on chubby, wobbly legs to roam freely in the grass? I sit here alone in the living room and glance at the clean laundry sprawled out all over our sofa, but I cannot let this moment pass me by, for I fear that it may forever be lost if I do not write. I must write.

Tonight I looked at your big, brown eyes staring up at me. I stroked your wet hair as your naked form stood next to mine in the shower. You nestled your head against my ribcage while I rinsed away shampoo suds. No longer a babe in my arms, but a little lady. A baby still, yet no longer. I take a deep breath.

We step out onto the mat and I look at your feet. They've grown. They are shaped just like mine. You brush your teeth and I glance up at the mirror. Who is this woman looking back at me? I see myself, yet someone else as well. A familiar face from my youth. A mother.

You brush and floss your own teeth, and I begin to brush your hair. You reach for the brush and say, "I'll do it." I follow you into your room. You get into your pajamas, then you offer to read me a bedtime story for a change. "Okay," I say. We snuggle up close and I listen as you read me one of your favorite books. I hear your tale, but in my mind's eye, I'm taken to another place...a vision of our journey together thus far.

I glance down at my swollen belly, then at the dirt road under foot. Starting at the base of the hill, I cannot see the road ahead. I begin the walk.

Soon I am swaddling a babe in my arms. I keep walking. The road is windy as we begin to climb higher and higher still. We round the corner. Now you are on my back.

Another turn up ahead. I lean over as you grasp my fingers for support while your little legs scoot along.

I look to my left, and now you are reaching up to take hold of just one hand. We walk like this for a long time, hand-in-hand, along the steady incline. Sometimes I carry you.

We skip. We run. We laugh.

You pout. I shout. We laugh. We cry.

We walk.

We run.

We stop.

Another blind corner.

Slowly we approach. Then we gasp. It's beautiful.

We are at the edge of the precipice, overlooking the beautiful valley.

The edge of innocence.

Now the tough questions begin.

"Mommy, why doesn't her daddy live with her and her mommy?"

"Do some people not go to heaven?" "Where do they go instead?"

"How do they make donuts anyway?" Giggle

We stand like this for a bit longer, side by side.

We both look down.

It's a long way down.

A gust of wind forces a step back.

You reach up and clench my hand once more.

Both fear and excitement burn like fire in your eyes.

Shall we explore? Or will we gaze out for just a bit longer, my Love?

Stay close to Mama. Don't let go of my hand just yet.

Not yet.

Family of Four

2011-08-14T20:40:00.033-10:00

Well, well, well... I am finally getting the chance to post some pictures! Hooray! When my sister-in-law was here with her kids back in February, she took hundreds of pictures. She always gets some great shots. She took some lovely pictures of our family. It took me a bit to go through and pick out a few favorites to share. Ezra looks so teeny-tiny back then. He's growing so fast. It really does go faster with the second! Now I just need to catch up on the pictures from the last, um, FIVE months or so! More to come...eventually.

Magical Moment of the Day

2011-07-30T19:37:00.004-10:00

Sitting in my rocker, I gaze through a slit in the blinds, taking in the beautiful new morning, feeling a tiny squeeze on my finger as I cradle this sweet boy and listen to him gulp hungrily at my breast.

Let the Games Begin!

2011-07-22T11:03:00.001-10:00

Remember that little burrito-boy I brought home from the hospital? I know I am way behind on pictures and I promise to post more soon, but let's just fast forward 5 and a half months and see what he's been up to. Rolling from front to back and back to front, scooting, grabbing, pulling, pushing....oh boy, diaper changes just got a whole lot more interesting. This guy is mobile!

(Click the arrow to see him in action)

Surprise, Surprise!

2011-07-21T13:20:00.007-10:00

Well, if you didn't already know that my husband is the coolest, you will after you read what he did for me a while back. As some of you may have heard from me in the past, Xee is quite terrible at surprises. I mean, he loves to surprise me, but cannot contain himself and begins to drop hints the minute he has something in mind. He tells me he has a surprise for me and I always end up guessing it.

So when he said he had a huge one planned for my birthday/Mother's Day/Christmas planned, he did his best not to give it away. He said things like, "You can't take it back, Queen of Returns!" to try and throw me off. As usual, I plugged my ears, "La la la la..." I happen to like surprises and I don't ever want to ruin them.

Boy oh boy did this guy have a whopper for me! He threw me off by giving me a gift certificate for a day spa, along with a nice, little technical gadget. Then a few days later, the doorbell rang while I was "resting my eyes". With eyes half-open I shuffled to the door, expecting to tell the neighborhood kids that it wasn't a good time for Phoebe to play. Instead I saw my dear friend, Lara standing there before me, with Xee video taping behind her! A surprise indeed!

Though I was coming down with a cold, I had a lovely time with my friend for the few days she was able to visit. On her last day here, I was planning a bit of a scenic drive, when Xee called me and said he was getting off work early to join us. I was literally in the car with the kiddos buckled up, but I said, "Okay."

Half an hour later, there was a knock on the door. Lara answered it and told me my neighbor really needed to speak with me. I told her she's just have to wait as I was sitting on the couch, nursing the baby! Poor Lara tried to convince me to come to the door, but I wasn't going to budge. So in waltzes my SISTER and her entire family, one at a time. All I could do is shake my head, and say, "No...no...no."

My husband had been in cahoots with my mom and my sister for months in preparation for their trip. Truly the surprise of a lifetime. I hadn't seen my sister in well over a year and was desperately missing her. Now here she was, arms wrapped around me. A moment I will never forget. A treasure. I couldn't even express to Xee in words the love I felt from him and for him.

I am trying to play catch-up with the chronicle of this blog. I made my sister a Smilebox slideshow of her trip and I have posted it here. A shortcut for me. Enjoy the slides! (just click the arrow, Mom)

A free picture slideshow by Smilebox

To Us!

2011-07-16T09:13:00.020-10:00

Ahem...I'd like to propose a toast

To Eleven Years of Marriage

To not-so-chance encounters

To that amazing first kiss

To a casual proposal in Old Navy

To dancing as Man and Wife

To our first home

To seven moves, to packing-tape, to many flights of stairs

To furniture assembly

To putting dining table legs on backwards!

To incredible fits of laughter

To pillow fights

To fancy dinners and fast food

To hot tea by the fire

To foot massages

To Country Music

To California, to Kauai, to Arizona, to Spain and London, to Maui, to Hawaii, to Oahu

To long road trips and books on tape

To midnight snacks and weekend movie marathons

To financial successes

To financial disasters

To joy and pain and sweat and tears

To passion

To the birth of our baby girl!

To dirty diapers, spit-up, and drool

To piggy-back rides and trips to the zoo

To bedtime stories

To little shoes at our doorstep

To the Verse O' the Day

To praise and worship, to spiritual growth!

To golf cart rides and sand between our toes

To Pilate's, to running, to swimming, to hiking, to yoga

To ice cream

To pushing a very prego me in a wheelchair through Home Depot

To the sweet smell of new babies

To our son!

To grey hairs and wrinkles and stretch marks

To growing older and a little bit wiser

To silliness

To singing out of tune

To innocence lost and regained

To mysteries yet uncovered

To dreams yet fulfilled

To holding on tight

To adventure

To friendship

To family

To Us!

The Glue

2011-07-09T20:24:00.013-10:00

I opened up a screen to write a new post and I am just sitting here staring blankly at the screen. I am so fried. So totally fried. I often say that women are the "glue" in the family. We're the glue. And even when the glue gets sick, the glue keeps doing what she always does. Other people in the house take a nap. The glue keeps, well, being the glue. Wandering around the house in a fog, somehow managing to keep everything going. Now, I'm not saying I do it all. I just happened to be married to an awesome guy who grocery shops and does laundry and dishes too. But he is not the Mama, therefore he is not the glue.

This week has been a challenging one. I have so many little things I have wanted to chronicle here in our blog...visits from friends and family, pictures of the kids and reports of Ezra's progress. I write in my head all the time, but getting the words from my brain to the page seems like a bit of a long journey lately. I have my to-do lists. I would like to blog more, clean my house more thoroughly, possibly hang some pictures of our family on the walls. But in every day life, there are often many detours. This week is a prime example.

Phoebe went to Vacation Bible School a couple weeks ago and had an awesome time. We were so blessed to hear her learning new songs and scriptures, and just having a great time with the other kids at church. She came away gaining so much. The only thing we weren't so blessed by was the nasty virus that came home with her. Despite all my natural remedies and tinctures that would normally kick it out of her system within a day or two, she was really, really sick for over a week. We happened to have last-minute guests, some dear friends of mine from college, and poor Phoebe was just not herself. We all had an amazing time anyway.

Now, that wouldn't be so bad if Daddy hadn't gotten it too. Daddy and Phoebe seemed to be in the clear and on the mend when Mommy felt the symptoms. Then Daddy came home one morning from work and said, "My eye kind of hurts." I took one look at him and barked, "Conjunctivitis!" Pink Eye!!! We tried to quarantine Daddy, but it was too late. The very next morning little Ezra woke up with a very swollen, very pink, little eye...and a deep cough...and runny nose. And to top it all off, what I had summed up to be mere drool rash on his face, with closer examination, saw that it covered his entire body. A terrible case of Eczema out of the blue (which I believe is due to me allowing myself to reintroduce more chocolate into my diet...so SIGH, I will have to back off once more from this indulgence). Remember, this poor little dude is teething as well!

So the days have blurred together with doctor's visits and non-stop treatments. In between ushering out a slew of natural remedies to myself or others, we have been occupied with coaxing remedies into Ezra's mouth, rubbing creams on his body and ointment in his eyes, excessive (but necessary) hand-washing, sanitizing toys, teethers, sheets, etc, and me shouting, "Don't touch your brother!" In the meantime, Phoebe's appetite came back full-force, following the baby's growth spurt, has been going through one of her own. She is insatiable and I feel like I am FEEDING people at every moment of the day! Phew! Now everyone seems to be on the mend, though it is taking extra long for me, since the definition of "sleep" eludes me at the moment.

But this is not a list of complaints, as it may seem. I woke up feeling blessed. And thankful! So very thankful that these challenges are temporary. I cannot imagine what it is like for parents with terminally ill children, or impoverished children. Watching my kiddos suffer these past couple weeks has been terrible. I'm so thankful they are healthy. So thankful for all we've been blessed with.

I tell ya, it's not easy being the Wanted One. It can be so overwhelming when it seems that everyone needs something from me all at once. Xee and I have this little saying...well, it's my saying, but he agrees. You might hear me say sometime, "Even the fish is looking at me!" Have you ever walked past a fishbowl and watched their behavior? They always appear to be hungry, frantically swimming to and fro, looking to you to sprinkle more food at the top. Or so it seems. That really resonates with me as a mom.

At some point this week I told Phoebe she needed to go to be early because "sleep is the best medicine." She was quick to reply, "Mommies are the best medicine!" Music to my ears. My magical moment of the day, the week, the century! It is not easy being the glue. But I have to say that it can be so darn wonderful. There are so many blissful moments in the mayhem. Keeping my eyes open to see them is the important part. And really, I am not the glue. Jesus Christ is the glue in our home. I only pray that His love is at the heart of all I do, as I take center-stage in our home. I take a deep breath....and I pray. Then I get to work. There's laundry to do!

Hold Your Horses

2011-07-04T19:31:00.005-10:00

Yeah, yeah. I know. I AM still here. Did I mention that Ezra is teething? And that he just went through a major growth spurt that has left me very sleep deprived for the last month or so? And since my laptop crashed months ago, I had been using Xee's, which is now on the fritz as well. So...Xee bought me (us) a new MacBook Pro and I can't wait for him to transfer our pictures to it. It will be so much faster getting you all recent pics of the kiddos.

Happy Independence Day! No fireworks for me...just sleep...I hope!

Happy Father's Day!

2011-06-19T08:00:00.003-10:00

This free ecard personalized with Smilebox

Hello?

2011-06-11T19:33:00.005-10:00

No, I did not fall off the face of the planet. So what's my excuse? Well, I did stub my toe badly when I misjsudged the bottom of the staircase other day. Ouch!

My mom emailed me yesterday, "I haven't seen any new posts lately." Translation: "Where are the pictures of my grandbabies?" (wink) I'm still here. And though late night blogging is still a love of mine, I have put it on the shelf and traded it for what very little alone time I may have with my husband before my new early bedtime routine. Mama's gotta sleep! Oh, and I have been baking a lot lately. Baking keeps me happy.

Okay, the pictures. I'll yet right on that.....YAAAAWWWN....sometime tomorrow. Good night.

Magical Moment of the Day

2011-05-30T20:39:00.004-10:00

Sitting in a beach chair, watching Phoebe and her good friend, Grayson play in the sand while I talked "mom talk" with my dear friend, Melynne....while Daddy stayed home during Baby's morning nap!

Mysterious Aroma

2011-05-22T13:13:00.020-10:00

While honeymooning on Kauai, Xee and I noticed that the air sometimes smelled like chili peppers. We figured it had to be a plant we were smelling. We asked around all week long, and none of the locals had an explanation for it. Some of them looked at us quite strangely. We smelled it! We knew we did.

We have been to Hawaii on several occasions prior to our move here and noticed a faint chili smell on those trips as well. And now that we live here, we might be driving down the road on our golf cart (yes, we have a golf cart) or going for a walk, when the aroma suddenly hits us...a fragrance reminiscent of our honeymoon, when our love affair with the islands first began.

The other day I was walking down the hall in our home and there it was...that smell. I walked into the bathroom and it got much stronger. Glancing around, my eyes fell upon the flowers I had placed in a little cup a few days before. One of my favorites, called Tiare. They are small, sweet-smelling white flowers, and it only takes a couple to freshen up an entire room.

Now these flowers were several days old and had withered. I brought my nose closer and took a big whiff....chili! Hmm...So my favorite sweet flower is actually sweet and spicy. Xee came home later and I brought him the dead flowers and said, "Hey honey, smell this." He looked at me like he always does when I say that. "No, seriously ...c'mon...smell it!"

"Chili!"

Exactly. Chili. Mystery solved. Ten years of wondering. Ten years! Now suddenly I had the answer. And you know, as exciting as it was to make the discovery, part of me is glad and the other is a wee bit sorry I found out. Somehow the not-knowing brings a sense of wonder to the unexplained. Oh well. The world is full of mystery. Time to go out and find a new one.

Picture Time

2011-04-17T12:15:00.028-10:00

I have been working on this post for days now, off and on...a few minutes here and there in the midst of my daily life with Phoebe and the babe. Doing the "Baby Dance", hangin' with Miss Phoebe, and taking care of our home (sort of) is quite the juggling act. So here are some pictures...finally!

A view of the babe in my hospital bed. He was so teeny-tiny then...just weeks ago.

Home from the hospital at last.

Sweet time with Grammy!

Ah, time to relax!

Tiny toes!

"Kiss me!"

Sweet dreams.

Ezra's first doctors visit.

His first dinner at Roy's.

More dreams...

And more...

And yet more.

It might be nap time again...

"I kissed a giraffe."

"I love my sissy!"

What a great little mommy!

Xee's mom made a beautiful, traditional Hmong baby carrier for us when Phoebe was born and now another for Ezra. Here is Daddy, carrying our big baby in it!

Phoebe dressed herself for our "grocery store" game. Quite a fancy do.

So cozy next to Mommy in the baby carrier.

Ezra's recent visit to the doctor for his two month check-up.

He weighed in at 11 lbs, and measured 23 inches tall.

"Look what I can do...I am so strong."

HANDSOME little guy!

Perspective

2011-04-15T14:34:00.002-10:00

When I was a teenager, I saw little kids carrying a stuffed purple dinosaur around and I thought to my teenage self, "How lame!" Now I see my little girl singing and dancing to the tunes of his show and I see that giant, purple dinosaur in a whole different light. Funny how my perspective has changed.

Yesterday morning, I was reprimanding Phoebe, quite sternly, for lying....one of many interesting developments in her "almost-five" behavior recently. I guess I was coming down pretty hard on her because she started crying and said, "You are upsetting me!" Sometimes we forget how old Phoebe is because she acts much older (most of the time). We forget that she is still such a babe in many ways. I apologized for being harsh and I prayed silently, "Lord, please help me to see through the eyes of my child...give me her perspective."

Have you ever had someone over for dinner or a party and had them say something like, "Your house is always so neat...It always looks perfect." I don't know about you, but when someone says that to me, I laugh...HARD. Because I know that if they had looked inside my closet, they would have seen the pile of junk. If they had looked a little closer, they would have seen the loads of dirty laundry. They would have seen the cobwebs under beds and the dust bunnies in corners. If they had seen me scrambling just minutes before they arrived...they would have gained a little perspective.

Perfect? No way. My home does not look like a Pottery Barn catalogue, and neither does my life. There are piles of junk and cobwebs in my life. There are loads and loads of dirty laundry and almost always dishes in the sink. Sometimes my voice gets loud. Sometimes I quarrel with my husband. Sometimes my kid watches too much TV. But there is grace. Oh, there is grace. And there is mercy. There is forgiveness. And each day I pray, "Lord help me to be the wife and mommy you want me to be. Pick me up when I fall. Cover my mistakes with your love. Breathe your breath of life into the work of my hands. May I see what you see. Give me your perspective."

Sweet Talkin' Guy

2011-04-10T09:25:00.004-10:00

My boy, Ezra, is quite the cooer. Coo? I am not sure where that term comes from, since nothing he says sounds like "coo". Anyway, I have tried many times to capture his sweet voice on camera, but most of the time he is so confused by the camera or phone that he simply stares. I was finally able to get a wee bit of footage of him chatting with me, though he is even more talkative without the distraction of digital devices in his face. He talks to everyone in the house, but has the most to say to his Mama. I am just thrilled with that-he is my little man!

(This video was taken with my phone and I ended up having to rotate it.)

Small Voice, Big God

2011-04-06T21:42:00.027-10:00

"Mommy, I heard God speak to me a little."

"You did?...In your heart?"

"Mmhmm. He said, 'I love your baby brother sixty-hundred times infinity'. "

"Wow. That's so cool."

"Yeah."

"So...what did God's voice sound like?"

(thinks for a sec) "Kinda weird!"

I believe...do you?

Working Mom

2011-03-21T13:29:00.000-10:00

Belated Birthday Wish

2011-03-15T09:08:00.006-10:00

I was thinking the other day, about my Dad, and how I had kind of hoped the baby would be born on his birthday. It's not that I was so much looking for a sign, although maybe I was, but it was a fun thing to imagine something so special. Oh, the smile my dad would have had on his face. I've always loved my dad very much, yet I never had enough of his presence in my life to ever truly feel that close to him. In his last few days in the hospital, I felt that closeness...then suddenly he was gone.

Funny thing...Dad wasn't the best at remembering birthdays. He tried. My parents were divorced when I was young, and he worked a LOT. I didn't see him that often, but he usually showed up bearing gifts-his way of trying to make up for that, I suppose. He worked so hard all his life to make up for the mistakes he had made. And also, I think in part, as a punishment for himself.

As a kid, holidays were the one time I knew I would spend time with my dad. He would show up with gifts or candy, or money. But birthdays? Well, he had a hard time with birthdays. He would often call a couple days later, apologizing for forgetting. He was forever guessing our ages, poor guy had a hard time keeping up with how fast we were growing up. Once or twice I recall a card actually arriving early. He was determined to get that birthday thing right.

In the last, very uncomfortable weeks of my pregnancy, I was waiting and waiting for Ezra to arrive, and as with Phoebe, I didn't progress. The 25th of January rolled around and I was having such intense pain that I thought it might actually happen. It just HAD to happen soon. When the boy did not arrive on his own, I threw in the towel and had him "removed" the following night. One day after Dad's birthday. Maybe not a sign...but instead a wink to my Dad. A belated birthday gift. When I listen carefully, I am quite sure I hear him chuckle.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Pretty Woman

2011-03-07T12:03:00.012-10:00

Well, we are officially knee-deep in dirty diapers and laundry, but loving every minute of it. Okay, almost every minute. I suppose I could do without the laundry. My eyes are a bit droopy, but I am savoring each moment with Baby Ezra, knowing just how fast it all goes.

I have to say that I am incredibly proud of our Big Sissy Phoebe. Things have been shaken up around here quite a bit and she has risen to the occasion. She loves to help change diapers, snuggle up next to Ezra, take pictures of him, and even helped out with his first real bath. She absolutely adores her brother. In her own words, "I am just so in love with him....I am so in love with him that I want to be married with him!" (She also wants to marry her daddy.)

This is an exciting time for us all, and a time of transition for sure. I would not be telling the truth if I said we have not had any feelings of frustration or jealousy around here...and we would then be a total anomaly amongst families everywhere. It is all too normal to feel a bit left out and neglected when a new person arrives (especially after over 4 years of being the center of the universe). And though I often write silly stories for your sheer amusement, this blog is truly more for us. It's a chronicle of our lives, and well, it wouldn't be complete if I didn't share all the details. After all, I want to look back and remember everything-whether it's good, bad...or ugly.

While I was pregnant, we anticipated how our lives would change with a new addition. We knew there would be excitement and joy, diapers and spit-up, and we were not naive to think we would not have a bit of "interesting" challenges with the adjustment. You just never know exactly what to expect, but there are a few things we didn't see comin'. "Like what?," you ask? Well, there's the vomiting, for instance. Not Ezra...Phoebe.

The first time it happened was in the hospital, the night Baby arrived. There was a lot of action going on, with me in a hospital bed, and Baby about to FINALLY arrive, and it being way past the bedtime. As Daddy tells me, it happened on the ride home (poor Daddy) while I was still in recovery. Phoebe complained that the car smelled like throw-up for days. I chided with Daddy that he shouldn't have let her have that chili from the hospital cafeteria, but still I wondered if it wasn't more than that....

With two more random incidents in the days to follow, and no other signs of illness, we realized that it was anxiety-induced vomit. Didn't see that comin'. Three times in a very short span. Poor thing. She was just so overwhelmed with it all. We all spent several days wondering if or when it might happen again, but thankfully the third was the last...so far. We kept a bucket near her bed and she slept on a towel for about a week, just in case. Just another jewel in our parenting crowns.

So a little throw-up isn't so bad, huh? How about a little bit of a yucky attitude? To be expected too. Yep, more than vomit has spewed out of our darling Phoebe's mouth in the last month. As kiddos go, there are always surprises around the corner, and my Phoebe has not disappointed in that department. I will highlight a couple of strange things she has said here. After all, she might want to hear about these gems in the future. At least, I will likely want to remind her of them if or when she ever has children of her own...it's my duty, is it not?

A couple weeks ago, we were hanging out in her room while Ezra slept. We had been doing school and an art project, just having a good time. Then I reminded her that she needed to tidy up her room. Now, Phoebe is a great little helper. She loves chores...she likes to dust, do dishes, and is always asking if she can mop the floors. But cleaning up her toys? Not so much. But, she had promised it would be done that morning, and I was going to hold her to it.

Her response to my making her clean should have given me a good laugh...but instead it made me cry (darn those hormones!). She paused her not-so-valiant cleaning effort to say, "Sometimes (long pause), I think of you...kind of like Cinderella's stepmother."

"WHAT!!!??"

At first I just stare at her and wonder where this came from since we don't own any Disney movies. And then....then I see the wry smile on her face and realize she meant it as a joke and like I said, it should have given me a really good laugh (which it very much does now), but now I feel the burning hot, hormonal tears stinging my eyes. I spin on on my heels in dramatic fashion, head to the bathroom, where I proceed to sob uncontrollably for a minute or two, then gather myself and get back in there to "encourage" the cleaning business. I feel a bit like Claire Huxtable as I growl under my breath, "You wanna see mean...I'll show you mean. You've never seen mean. Stepmother, hmph! After all I do for you..."

A few days later, Phoebe and I were watching a show together on the Food Network. She loves cooking shows, especially what she calls "cake shows". A commercial came on and I paused the TV (gotta love the DVR), as we do not like to watch commercials around here. Once again, I am enjoying some lovely time alone with my wonderful daughter and I don't expect the following curve ball....

The commercial was a cosmetics ad featuring Julia Roberts. I just happened to pause it on a close-up of her face. Phoebe said, "Ooh, she's pretty."

"Yes, she is," I replied.

"Prettier than YOU are."

Huh?

(What, with my milk-soiled night dress and my disheveled hair, puffy eyes, saggy belly, and not-so-fresh armpits? I stare at the screen at Julia and think maybe I need to include the word "airbrushed" in our vocabulary list this week.)

....A bit stunned, I pause for what seems like forever. Then I turn and look at her and even she looks a bit confused and bewildered by what just came out of her mouth. She quickly tries to recover by saying, "I was just...I mean...I just was saying that she is pretty, Mommy." (Now, if you know my Phoebe, you know that this girl showers me with compliments every day and is quite gracious to everyone around her, so this was quite uncharacteristic of her.)

This time I didn't cry. I did, however, take the opportunity for what I like to call a "teaching moment". Though I was laughing inside, I knew that this little jab at Mommy was coming from someplace deep inside her, with a whole heap of emotions at the root. Ah, human nature is so clearly displayed in a child. They are raw and transparent and yet, mysteriously complicated little creatures. They are human.

Later I privately shared this little nugget with Daddy and his eyes got wide, then he laughed, of course. Then he said, "I don't think Julia Roberts is that pretty. I don't know why she is such a big deal."

"Thanks, Honey."

"No, really. I just don't think she's all that great."

"I know. She's not me."

"Exactly...she's not you."

What a guy.

The next day Phoebe and I were baking cookies and she said that no other mommy makes the goodest cookies as I do. And she added, "You are the most beautiful woman in the whole world...You are the bestest mommy in the whole universe."

Well, there you have it folks. In the eyes that matter, I am, in fact, prettier than Julia Roberts.

Magical Moment of the Day

2011-03-04T10:43:00.005-10:00

This magical moment of the day happened at about 3 o'clock this morning, while nursing my hungry baby with my eyes half-shut and my head bobbing off to one side. Ezra was eating ever so ravishingly (is that a word?). When he was done, he was a bit fussy so I began to burp him. Suddenly he let out a giant belch, then spit up down the front of both our jammies. As I was cleaning him up, I sweetly said, "I'm sorry buddy." He opened his eyes wide, looked straight into mine, and giggled with a HUGE grin on his face as if to say, "No problem, Mom!" Then he closed his eyes and went right back to sleep.

P.S. My dear friend sent this to me in an email and I thought it was worth sharing here. We go through the trenches as parents. It's all worth it...

11 Step Program For Those Thinking of Having Kids by Amy Lawrence

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!

A Promise Fulfilled

2011-02-28T11:41:00.000-10:00

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Phoebe's First Ballet Recital

2011-02-23T11:06:00.013-10:00

Ole'! Just before the concert, I asked Phoebe to pose for some pictures and she said, "Urgh, I don't want to." Somehow I managed to twist her arm...seriously, do you think this girl has a problem performing?? Wow!

The girls did a number to a song from Don Quixote. They were all so lovely in red.

Um, this is a ballet recital, right? So sassy!

Her teacher was so impressed that I got her cute little bob into the shape of a proper bun. I told her that I have a wee bit of experience doctoring short locks into a formal ballet do. Phoebe looked so mature. Her daddy and I gasped at how grown-up and lady-like she looked.

Waving to Mommy and Daddy just after the finale.

Her and best-good friend Gwynneth. They are like two peas in a pod!

LOVE DAY!

2011-02-14T20:24:00.006-10:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Welcome To The World Ezra!

2011-02-01T20:50:00.040-10:00

Alright, it has been a whole 5 days since the birth of our beautiful son and you all been waiting for me to post some pictures already! Thanks for being patient, as posting pictures takes a while...well, with the nursing, and the diapering, and the napping (me too, thanks to my Mom), the swaddling, the snuggling, the kissing...

We have waited a long time for the arrival of our sweet boy and have kept his name in the vault for not only the duration of my pregnancy, but for more than five years. We chose it when we chose Phoebe's name, and we held onto it dearly in our hearts, believing God had a plan for a son in our future. So it is with great joy that we welcome EZRA JAMES HER. Enjoy the pics!

Grammy arrives from the airport to help out and welcome baby brother. Phoebe and her are so excited to see each other for the first time in over a year.

The three of us before my surgery, waiting for the big moment of baby's arrival. Although we had hoped for a natural birth, like his big sister, Ezra was taking his time coming out and we just could not wait any longer to meet our little man.

Daddy poses with Phoebe all set in his gear...btw, he asked to take it all home with him for doctor play at home with Phoebe. She was so thrilled!

Just minutes after Xee cut the cord-Ezra was born on January 26, at 9:35 p.m., weighed 7lbs, .6oz and measured 20 1/2 inches long.

I finally meet him face to face. What a joy!

Phoebe and Grammy meet him.

Love at first sight!

Proud Big Sister enjoys holding her baby brother.

Sister smooches :)

It's late and my two babies are both nested up with me in bed, fast asleep.

Snuggly-Buggly

Since our Honu was with Phoebe during our hospital stay, we thought he might want to keep Ezra company as well.

Happy Daddy!

Ezra says, "Um, excuse me...this is a private moment."

Ready to leave the hospital, Ezra is dressed in the same outfit Phoebe came home in.

Buckled in and set for his first car ride.

All cozy with Grammy.

Oh how precious new life is. We are so thrilled that Ezra is with us and are so blessed to welcome another happy, healthy child into our family. Mommy and baby are resting as much as we can, but we love visitors, so please make an appointment to see us soon! More pictures to come.

Baby Update

2011-01-25T14:49:00.002-10:00

Okay, from the looks of my live traffic feed, there are many of you checking in...likely for some sort of update on baby status. As you can see, the baby meter ran down to zero a couple days ago...however, baby has decided to stay past his "guess date". I was hoping he would come a bit more promptly than his big sister!

Only the Lord knows the date of our precious boy's arrival, but I must admit I was hoping it would be today...it's my dad's birthday. Wouldn't that have been fun! So, here is the latest on progress...there is none. We went to the doctor today and well, there is no indication baby is on his way just yet. We all know that could change at any given moment. And don't worry. You all will be notified when the time comes, I promise :)

Dear Phoebe

2011-01-23T23:59:00.001-10:00

(I began this letter to my wonderful daughter back in June, but somehow could not find the words to complete it until now.)

Dearest Phoebe,

I am writing you this letter during a very special and exciting time for our family. We were taking a bath together, you and I, when I told you some big news. You were nestled up next to me and I whispered it to you, "Phoebe, guess what?" You're eyes looked at me with wonder. "There's a baby in Mommy's belly." Your eyes grew even wider as you looked down and touched my tummy sweetly.

Suddenly you were filled with questions and ideas. Will it be a boy or a girl? When will he or she come out? And of course, you wanted me to tell you the special story you've heard so many times, of how God blessed Mommy and Daddy with you inside my belly, and of the day you arrived to meet us. You were so excited about a new baby brother or sister growing in that same special place.

Each day you have ideas and questions about the new baby...but I can also see some reservation in your eyes. When we snuggled in bed last night, you bravely revealed to me, "I don't want the baby to come out!" Oh Phoebe, my eyes filled with tears, and my heart ached just a bit. Because I know just how you feel, my Love. I'm not ready for Baby to come out either. But I will be. And you will be too. When the time is right.

When the time is right, our hearts...yours, mine, and Daddy's, will be filled with excitement, and anticipation, and love for Baby. We'll be so excited, we won't be able to stand it! When the time is right. But for now, I will continue to relish my time with you. Just me and you.

It's been so precious to spend these last four years getting to know you, teaching you, falling madly in love with you. You amaze me every day. Your energy, your spontaneity, your generous spirit...everyone who knows you would agree that you are simply infectious. I told a friend once that there is an amazing feeling when you just "click" with someone...but when you just click with someone who is half-you, it is so much cooler, an indescribable feeling. Being with you Phoebe...it's the absolute best!

And now that Baby is on the way, and our hearts are preparing to meet him and welcome him into our family, I see more and more of who you, are and who you are becoming. I see my big girl growing in ways I can only imagine for the future. A big sister. Baby will be so blessed. Our family is changing in a big way and I can see God preparing your heart for such a change. Life is full of changes, dear one. This will be just one of many for you, and I am already so proud to see you embrace it. I know you will learn and grow so much. We all will.

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with you. I was so incredibly thrilled. And I was a bit nervous too. How will this change me? How will this change my life? Will I be a good mommy? Will I know how to love you?

Months have gone by since I began this letter. I didn't seem to have the right words to complete it before now. As my belly has continued to swell, I have watched you fall in love with your baby brother. Your joy and anticipation has only fueled my own. I wondered at first how this new addition might change things between us, but it has just deepened our bond. When I stop and ponder how I will feel about this new little one, how I will be the mommy God wants me to be to both of you, I remember that you are here with me to experience it all.

You will be with me Phoebe, as you have been since the beginning of my Mama journey. You see, sweet girl, everything I know about being a mommy is wrapped up in you. I didn't know how to nurse a baby from my breast, but you showed me. I wasn't sure how to interpret a newborn's cries, but you helped with that one too. I wasn't sure that I held a place in this world...you made it clear that I do. All that I know and feel as a mom, you have inspired in me.

When your Daddy and I got married, I thought I knew something about love. But then you came along, and Daddy and I both experienced love and joy like no other. One day, I pray you might experience this love for your own child. But for now, you get to experience the love of a sister. A loving, giving, caring, AWESOME big sister.

A big change indeed. But I know you are ready. At one time you wondered if Mommy and Daddy would have enough love for both you and Baby. You know, God has a special way of expanding our hearts and filling them up with more love than we ever thought we could experience. I see your heart growing bigger every day, with lots of love for your little brother. I can only imagine the fun we'll all have! I can only imagine...and I can hardly wait!!

With all of my heart,

Mommy

Magical Moment of the Day

2011-01-19T20:43:00.005-10:00

This is what I woke up to this morning....click, clack, click, clack....fancy dress up shoes cheerfully waltz into my room. A pink ballerina-girl adorned with many jewels and lots of swirly hand gestures announces, "Okay, Kid. I am the Mommy and GUESS WHAT! It's your birthday! I'm baking you a cake and it's got colorful sprinkles, and yummy frosting, and....."

My eyes barely crack open to see this lovely, little girl that seems to have changed again overnight, blossoming more and more into this little lady of mine. Silly, yet quite refined. In my groggy morning voice I reply, "Ooh-la-la! A birthday cake-for Me?"

"Oh yes, we are having a celebration. I have made a very SPECIAL cake and your friends are all here waiting, and oh yes, here is a card and your present...a very fancy birthday crown, just for you, Kid."

I sit up to receive this royal gesture and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror with the crown upon my head-disheveled hair, swollen belly protruding from jammies, eyes half-open and a huge grin upon my face...

and I think to myself, "I LOVE MY LIFE!"

Leave me a comment...I would love to hear your magical moments too!

You Know You're Near the End When...

2011-01-09T22:02:00.008-10:00

You're down to your last three outfits!

Your four-year-old has to beg you to get out of bed in the morning.

Your ice cream supply has completely taken over the freezer.

Everywhere you go, heads turn and eyes grow wide at the sight of the watermelon-sized protrusion leading the way!

Lightening-like nerve pains in your sciatic area, inner thigh, and...ahem...unmentional places have become quite a regular occurrence.

Your husband cannot keep his eyes off your bosom area.

You're now wearing your "fake" wedding ring because the real one doesn't fit.

Regular exercise means a trip up and down the stairs.

You are SO over people's "observations" of your appearance...

I am not a science experiment! This is not a tumor or a growth, nor is it a rare condition in our society, yet I wonder if people just cannot help themselves...and in their awe-struck state over this incredibly natural phenomenon called pregnancy, they MUST say something...usually the first thing that comes to mind just flies right out of the mouth. Seriously, I think I might have to have a few responses printed on a T-shirt:

Yes, I know that I am "ALL BABY".
You're right ladies, I am lucky that I am not "carrying it all in my butt".
No, I did not steal your basketball.
Yep, aunties and grandmas, give yourself a pat on the back...you guessed right-it's a boy. But I carried Phoebe all out in front too and she is definitely a girl.
I am not a balloon, so please don't tell me I look like I'm about to POP!
I AM sure there's not two in there! Men, please...learn something today. Do not ask a woman if she's sure she's not having twins. C'mon now, I am only 5 foot, 2 and a half inches tall, and I have a petite frame. Where on earth does a full-grown baby go in a person of my size? There is a 17-20 inch person curled up in there along with my bladder, my intestines, and all sorts of other stuff shoved off to the sides. AND women who are this far a long with twins are not shopping at Ross. They either in BED or the hospital!
"WOW" is right! Wow, there is a miracle in my belly! Wow, a person is growing in there! Wow, isn't that wonderful and amazing, and incredible??

Okay, so all of that would not quite fit on even the largest of T-shirts, but I think you get the picture. That is not to negate all of the wonderful things people have said on a daily basis, like "You look amazing!", "You've barely gained any weight!", "You are stunning!", "Pregnancy looks great on you.", "You are the most gorgeous pregnant woman I've ever seen!"...

They are so right! Pregnancy is beautiful. All pregnant ladies are beautiful. If you are reading this and you are with child, you are beautiful! You are housing God's creation. Rejoice in the handiwork of the Lord!

Am I mad? No. Not in the least. This is just me observing the human behavior around me. I have enjoyed every minute of being pregnant (both times). It is a miraculous thing, housing a baby. I think when you are nearing the end, you cannot help but feel that you are a walking anomaly. I mean, people have witnesses this for thousands of years, yet it still stops them in their tracks. Who isn't impressed with the whole deal? Incredible. But, it is sort of nice to have someone just say "hello". That's all I'm saying.

If you see me walking down the street, just say "hello".

Tons of Pics in One Long Overdue Update!

2010-12-16T16:14:00.074-10:00

Seriously? Has it been that long since I have been here? Well, I would apologize, but I think you all understand that I have been a wee bit busy lately...with the labeling, stamping, and mailing of Christmas cards (like 84 of them!), hosting our annual Christmas Open House, everyday chores, packing, packing, and more packing...and yes, of course, preparing for this baby! It is not that I haven't meant to stop by, and it is not like I have nothing to share, because unlike the rare occasion when I have no words (believe me, it happens), there is plenty going on over here...it is the time and energy I am lacking-hence, the lack of blog posts.

I have been meaning to at least post pictures since there is not much time to amuse you with my writings and silly stories. I may work on this post for several days, but I am determined to finish it eventually...enjoy the pics!

My little helper is more than willing to do just about any chore (with the exception of picking up her toys)!

That's it Phoebe, get down in there...what a great work ethic!

The Her Family came to visit in June. Here, Phoebe is playing dress up with her cousins. It is a good thing Ayden is too young to care about the frilly apron thing.

Giant origami is always good for keeping the kiddos entertained. Such a talented husband I have!

Phoebe helps carve her first pumpkin in preparation for the Harvest celebration.

It's a lady, of course...

Here she is in all her glory!

Mini pumpkin project.

Phoebe and her best friend, Gwyn, admire each other's costumes. Phoebe is Fancy Nancy...of course!

Quite a fancy hairdo. Fancy Phoebe and her very own cheerleader escort at our church event. That bag is loaded with goodies!

Me and my giant accessory!

Phoebe and I participated in the annual car races at our church. I did not carve the car myself, but Phoebe and I are responsible for the cool decorations and the "bling".

Very awesome, girly muscle car!

Lined up and ready to race...and the WINNER is...

After several heats, Phoebe walked away with the 1st place trophy in her age group and 2nd place overall. Not too shabby.

The Her family was here again in October for two weeks and we had such a great time with them. I was thankful to have aunties here to run and play with Phoebe. My sister-in-law took about a bazillion pictures of the kiddos, so I will post a few here.

Phoebe and her cousins reunited at last...they just love each other so!

Daddy and Phoebe show off their moves.

Their famous "tree" pose. Mothers and Grandmothers alike gasp when they see this, but I assure them that as her Mommy, I am quite confident in their skills. They have had a lot of practice and according to Phoebe, "Daddy is the strongest man in the whole universe!"

Xee continues his workout by tossing small children into the air...

and swimming with multiple kiddos on his back.

Fun in the sun with Aunties Khou, Mao, and Brandy!

Nothing like a good water fight!

Cousin Ayden having some soaker fun!

Boogie board bliss....

Baby rides in front, while Phoebe rides in back!

Phoebe's aunties are quite talented with the sand sculptures, producing everything from three-tier cakes to seahorses, to turtles....but my personal favorite-the Thanksgiving turkey. Really, it was quite impressive. The picture does not do this bird justice!

Mao and her kiddos.

The twins with their Daddy, James.

A surprise visitor for a stunned Khou pops the question in a truly romantic fashion.

A fun trip on our friend, Captain Mike's boat...

gets us a birds-eye view of Queen Anne's Revenge from the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

Are we worn out yet?...

How 'bout now?

Well, that only took 4 days to complete this post (I have a love-hate relationship with blogger). So, until next time...We hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and we look forward to posting more updates soon!

Give Thanks!

2010-11-25T13:22:00.005-10:00

THANKSGIVING PROCLAMATION

"Now therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country ...."(Note: the entire Thanksgiving Proclamation can be viewed at the Library of Congress website: www:http://www.facebook.com/l/3939e;loc.gov)

Oh, give thanks to the LORD! Call upon His name;

Make known His deeds among the peoples!

Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him;

Talk of all His wondrous works!

Glory in His holy name;

Let the hearts of those rejoice whoseek the Lord!

Seek the LORD and His strength;

Seek His face evermore!

Remember His marvelous works
which He has done...
Sing to the LORD, all the earth;

Proclaim the good news of His salvation from day to day.

Declare His glory among the nations,

His wonders among all peoples.
For the LORD is great andgreatly to be praised;

He is also to be feared above all gods.

For all the gods of the people are idols,

But the LORD made the heavens.

Honor and majesty are before Him,

Strength and gladness are in His place.
...Give to the LORD the glory dueHis name;...

Oh, worship the LORD in thebeauty of holiness!...
Let the heavens rejoice, and let theearth be glad;

And let them say among the nations,"The LORD reigns."

Let the sea roar, and all its fullness;

Let the field rejoice, and all that is in it.

Then the trees of the woods shallrejoice before the LORD...
Oh, give thanks to the LORD,for He is good!

For His mercy endures forever...

Blessed be the LORD God of Israel

From everlasting to everlasting!
And all the people said, "Amen!"
and praised the LORD.
1 Chronicles 16:8-36

Belly Shots

2010-11-16T16:23:00.015-10:00

Phoebe is watching a show and while I would really like to lay down and take a little nap, I feel that I must address the issue of pictures on this blog (or lack there of). I have had more than one request for belly pics and have been too busy or just too lazy at the end of the day to get it done. While the Hers were here visiting, my sister-in-law took some family photos. I am saving some for Christmas cards, but here are at least a few pictures of the baby bump. Sorry to keep you waiting!

7 Reasons Why Today Was a Good Day

2010-10-25T20:53:00.014-10:00

1. In the excitement and anticipation of Daddy coming home, Phoebe was a little angel. Actually, she's an angel every day, but sometimes she temporarily misplaces her halo.

2. I got a call with some good news this morning concerning one of the "issues" we have been dealing with. Then I found out that the final book in the series I'm reading came in to the library today. Can't wait to read it and see how it all ends!

3. A friend from church texted me this afternoon to tell me she was at the beach, and would I like to take a break and drop Phoebe off to play with her daughter? WOULD I?? Um, yes please.

4. The weather around here is on the cusp of change. Well, I won't be sporting turtlenecks or anything, but the tradewinds have kicked up and it feels as though we are moving a few millimeters closer to the idea of fall and winter. The tourists won't have as many "perfect" beach days, but I am kind of digging the overcast look once in a while.

5. Opened up my email to find several messages from some of you ladies regarding my last post. I love you all dearly and am so thankful to have you identifying with me in this walk of life, whether it be through the meadow or through the mud! I think I must add a little P.S. to this previous post...

(P.S. Despite the stomach-churning, face-clenching, unpredictable swinging and swaying, we still got off the ride smiling...laughing, in fact. We do so enjoy an adventure! )

6. Picked up Daddy from the airport! Woo-hoo! I must state clearly here that I am NOT cut out for single parenthood (who is?). Though I did relish in the glory of hearing my daughter declare every day, with squeals of delight, that it was "girls day". She is, afterall, my favorite girlfriend!

7. Last, but definitely not least, God is good. He sustains me every day. He loves me with a pure and everlasting love. And though life's circumstances may shift like the weather, He never changes. He never fails.

Riding the Wheel

2010-10-23T20:29:00.021-10:00

Sometimes there is just no better therapy than writing for me. Tonight though, it was immersing myself in a tub of hot water, and then bathing in a sudden downpour of salty tears. It took me by surprise, yet I suppose in my current hormonal condition, it shouldn't have. But there it was. There I was, letting it all out.

Today was day seven of a travelling husband, and that compounded with a bunch of other stuff we have been dealing with...stuff I have not disclosed in this blog because, well, it isn't necessary...but real life stuff, nonetheless. And the joys and challenges of being a mommy, only weeks away from baby number two. In addition to the weight of guilt I felt as I recounted the numerous times I blew it with Phoebe today. Well, let's just say that my busy schedule as of lately has kept me in a crying drought...until tonight.

Have you ever been on California Adventure's Ferris wheel? From far away it doesn't look that big, but close up it is impressive. When you board the ride, they ask you if you want to be in a stable car or one that also glides and swings along its own course. Do you know what I'm talking about?

I remember riding this with Xee and Phoebe a couple years ago. Xee gets a bit squeamish on these things, but I've never been afraid of heights, so when they asked if we wanted the stable car, I, wanting the full experience of course, opted for the other one (you know...the unstable one), despite the ever-increasing size of Xee's brown eyes, glaring at me in disapproval and beckoning me to change my mind. Hey, if you're gonna ride it, go for the gusto, right?

Ah, what a thrill! The slow and steady glide up, up, up, was quite refreshing. You can see half the park from way up there. Not scary at all...But then, without warning, you take a turn for the edge of the rotation and suddenly your stomach is taking a plunge as the car quickly glides into a rotation of it's own. A rotation within the rotation. Oh, and the swinging!...In mid-air, a hundred feet above the ground!

Everything around you is blurry. You can no longer focus on the beauty of the park, but only the sound of your own screaming voice and the look of torture on your poor husband's face. You giggle, because it is still deliriously fun (also for the sake of your crying child) and endure this sensation (twice) and round the corner with a sigh of relief, thinking the ride has come to a stop...only to realize that this is just a slight pause to let more passengers on, and now they are taking you around, ALL the way around...AGAIN!

So tonight when I stepped foot into my soothing hot bath, I had been going around slowly, feeling the breeze, taking in the scenery, breathing steadily, and suddenly, without warning, I must have come to that point in the curve. The point where my car dipped into its own rotation, and caught me a bit off guard. Everything was blurry and I could only hear the sound of my own sobbing....

Then I heard a song in my head. An old Amy Grant song I haven't heard in years came flooding to my mind. A gift from God to my overwhelmed heart. The spinning stopped. A deep breath of relief. Thank you, Lord, for the words You gave to me.

When the weight of all my dreams
is resting heavy on my head
And the thoughtful words of help and hope
have all been nicely said

But I'm still hurting
wondering if I'll ever be the one I think I am
I think I am

Then You gently re-remind me
that you made me from the First
And the more I try to be the best
the more I get the worst

And I realize the good in me
is only there because of who You are
Who YOU are

And all I ever have to be
is what You've made me
Any more or less would be a step
out of Your plan

As You daily recreate me,
help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do
what I can find

All I ever have to be
All I have to be
All I ever have to be...

Is what You've made me

Still Not Here

2010-10-19T20:36:00.003-10:00

Well, I don't know if it is the laptop crashing, or the having to transfer over all of our pictures onto the desktop, or the multiple visits to our rental property, or could it be that I am pregnant? Well, for whatever reason, I just don't seem to have the time...or energy...or motivation to write these days. I so enjoy writing, but lately the desire for ice cream seems to take precedence. What can I say?

There are pictures I'd like to post. Eventually that may happen, if they ever make their way from the external drive to the desktop. Phew, I am just glad we didn't lose absolutely EVERYTHING that was saved on the laptop.

You'll hear from me again...some day!

The Annual Review

2010-10-12T23:05:00.006-10:00

Every year around Phoebe's birthday, we have made a musical slideshow of pictures that highlights our year with her. Well, Xee has made it. Some of you might remember the first two. Then year number three came along and I reminded Xee to start on it. I set aside the pictures I wanted in a file on my computer. A few days went by....a month went by....seven months went by....finally, I decided that Xee's schedule was just to busy that year. So I made a Smilebox-the easiest solution for me.

By the time I finished my creation, it was Christmas. Since Phoebe's birthday is in May, I never posted it on the blog. I thought it a little anti-climatic. And now, five months has passed since Phoebe's birthday-ALREADY! We are still getting around to assembling some sort of slideshow. It is our tradition afterall. Hey, I don't scrapbook, remember?

In the mean time, I did have a chance to put together a photobook for Phoebe with some of our favorite pics of the year. I wish I could post it here on blogger, but instead I will attach the link for you all to view. It is amazing to see how she grows in the span of one year. Though we are going to be doing this baby thing all over again, my desire to slow things down a bit with Miss Phoebe has not subsided in the least!

Click HERE and enjoy the book :D

Where is Audrey?

2010-10-04T22:08:00.005-10:00

Where have I been? One of the following...

1. On the phone dealing with home warranty issues for our rental property.
2. Playing on the beach with the Her family.
3. Sleeping-in in the a.m., thanks to the Her family.
4. Trying to back up my laptop since it has been acting funny.
5. Taking my laptop in only to find that the hard drive is completely shot! (before I got to fully back it up...thankfully I backed it up 6 months ago)
6. At the rental property, overseeing the replacement of the dishwasher.
7. On the beach, reading a book and watching three happy little cousins play in the sand :)
8. Back on the phone with the home warranty company....the garage door is now broken.
9. More fun in the sun with cousins and aunties and uncles!
10. Yet again, another issue with the rental property! Termites in the the garage!!!

Okay, so I've been busy.

Be back soon!!

She's Got Gills

2010-09-13T21:00:00.005-10:00

Why she calls herself "Phoebe Fish"

Half-Baked!

2010-09-10T13:18:00.003-10:00

Today is the official half-way mark of my pregnancy. Twenty weeks down...about twenty more to go! Aaah! Only twenty more weeks to go. Take a deep breath Self! Change is a comin'. And such is life. It is forever changing. As I think about all of our wonderful friends and family, I cannot help but wish we could visit you all. It is September friends, and remember that is always a bit of a nostalgic time for me. Read a post from last year, Almost September, and remember how much we love and miss you all!

IT'S A .......

2010-09-06T21:21:00.010-10:00

So Friday was the big day. Our long awaited trip to the "baby doctor", as Phoebe refers to him. With my first pregnancy, we wanted that magical moment. The months and months of anticipation for that one amazing announcement: "It's a...." And when Phoebe was born my response was, "Of course it's a girl." It didn't seem to surprise me. What a magical moment, meeting her face to face. There are few things in life that compare.

This time around, Xee made it pretty clear from the get-go that he wanted to find out. He needed to know. He wanted to be prepared. "Okay," I said. We could do it that way this time. And so Daddy took the day off on Friday, and the three of us headed out the door, on our way to take a peek!

We arrive at the office...I'm feeling a tad bit nervous-I've never done it this way before. How will I feel?....A cold squirt of gel on my belly...the wand swirls round and round. Long pauses and measurements taken by the doc...baby is moving all over the place...And then...THEN he tells us the big news.

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"Well, these things are never 100% sure, but I can confidently say that I am at least 85% sure."

Tears welled up in my eyes. This moment was more special than I had expected. We are so happy to know this kiddo in a more intimate way. Hello baby!

Is the suspense killing you?

Well, have a look for yourself...

Is it clear to you? Anyone having trouble? Hint: That is not an arm, or a leg, or an extra-long nose....

IT'S A BOY!!

We are very excited about meeting our little guy. Finding out this incredible news just confirmed what I have felt in my heart these last 19 weeks. Xee and I have always believed we would have one girl and one boy (at least), and we believed God placed that desire in our hearts that He might later fulfill that promise in our lives.

Names? Don't ask....some things must remain a mystery!

And Phoebe? What was her initial reaction?

As we left the office, I said in an excited voice, "So kiddo,what do you think? A baby brother!"

Her response: "URGH!"

Later that afternoon we stopped by a park to play. Daddy started asking her all kinds of questions about what she was going to teach her brother when he arrived. She just kept her quick stride toward the swings and sighed, "I don't want to talk about it!"

The baby brother thing has grown on her a bit in the last few days. Though her opinion that girls are better still weighs heavily, she is already obsessed with finding boy presents for her younger sibling, and she wants to know when she can start sleeping with him.

We are all still digesting the fact that another person will be joining our family in another 21 weeks or so. Very exciting! We will keep you all posted.

Wave goodbye, baby!

Fresh Start To My Day

2010-09-06T09:43:00.004-10:00

9:30 a.m. It's early yet, and I just caught myself putting away the dirty dishes from my dishwasher....oops!

9:37 a.m. Just squashed a pesky, little gnat with my bare hands.

That's better. Let's begin again, shall we?

Progress Report

2010-09-02T22:18:00.008-10:00

Alright, so I realized the other day that most of you aren't able to track baby's progress by checkin' out my growing belly. You are just too far away. Sorry I haven't posted more pictures. I will do my best to keep you updated.

I am feeling great and the headaches have decreased to almost none! Hooray! I am always wishing I had the opportunity for a daily nap, and I currently have the appetite of a 16-year-old boy. Our family continues to grow excited at the anticipation of meeting this little one in my belly, who, by the way gets very active both when I eat, and of course, when I am sleeping (or trying anyway).

This is what I like to refer to as "the beautiful phase". Everyone tells you how beautiful you are, and well, you believe every word and take it all in. People have yet to say things like, "Are you sure you're not having twins?", "Wow! You sure have gotten BIG!", and "Gee, your face is so...puffy!" These are not figments of my imagination...only sweet memories of being prego with my darling Phoebe. Despite my super healthy diet and exercise regime back then, I managed to gain a whopping 57 lbs! The midwife was as shocked as I was, but could not complain about my diet and therefore summed it up to be that I just had "a lot of water".

So far I am way under the amount of pounds gained last time around and I am convinced that I have Miss Phoebe to thank for that. I think I am still burning more calories than I can possibly pack in during the day! Whatever happens, I am just hoping not to have to give away every single pair of shoes I own and start over with a half-size bigger foot this time around! Seriously though, I love being pregnant. It is a privilege to be the vessel for this new little life to develop. There is no greater honor or joy in this life for me. What a sheer blessing it is to be a mother.

This Extra Ordinary Life

2010-08-24T22:12:00.012-10:00

Every day life can be so hectic and overwhelming at times. I am reading a book right now that has blown me away, offered profound perspective, and has prompted me to give thanks throughout the day for even the most mundane of things....because they are not mundane to some. They are not even so mundane to me, when I actually take the time to stop and relish in them. So even though I often feel exhausted and overwhelmed, I have much to be thankful for. Today was a busy day, an ordinary day. Here are a few things I enjoyed about it.

Highlights From My Ordinary Day

No headaches (the absence of pain is quite lovely as of lately)
Big brown eyes and a bright smile to rouse me awake
Ham and eggs
Singing praise songs and dancing around the living room
A high-five for producing one amazing number "8"
Little hands slather sunscreen where I cannot reach
A cool dip in the pool
Watching my little fish tirelessly swim, and swim, and swim some more
The warmth of the sun on my back, a breeze softly brushes my face
Tutus, wands, and feathers swishing about the ballet studio with giggles galore
Sharing a smoothie with my favorite girl
Shopping for new underwear!
A glorious sunset on the drive home
Sweeping clouds resemble giant birds, gliding side by side in the evening sky
Making a necklace out of plastic beads
A four-year-old offers to massage my feet
New life fluttering inside me
Alphabet soup
Chocolate dessert
The click of the front door- my husband returns home from work
His hand rubbing my swollen belly
Bedtime chatter
Silence
Her breath on my skin as she surrenders to childhood dreams
Nice hot shower
Snoring man
Midnight snack
Soft, cozy pillow
3 pages in my book
Heavy eyelids
Big exhale
Peace

The Dad Life

2010-08-17T22:52:00.003-10:00

Okay, so if you have not seen this video, it is hysterical. To all my dad friends, and to my own babies' Daddy, here's to embracing the Dad Life!

The Card

2010-08-02T16:32:00.011-10:00

Does anyone remember the post about our stuffed turtle, Honu? Well, I mentioned something in that post that was very special to me...something I had lost a long time ago and hoped to one day find. So, first, let me tell you all that Xee and I were looking for our wedding video a few weeks back, hoping to watch it with Phoebe on our anniversary. We both thought we knew just where it was....

Wrong. We couldn't find it. We looked through so many boxes, and made a mess of the garage trying to find it.

No luck.

I began to worry that it wouldn't turn up. I prayed, knowing it may seem like a trivial matter, yet knowing God cares about these things too.

Phoebe and I came home from running errands a few days ago, to find a video tape sitting on the kitchen counter with a note attached. It was simply a smiley face and Xee's signature. He had spent much of the morning on his day off combing through the garage one more time....lo' and behold! The tape!

Phew! Thank you Lord!

Then....

Last night I was laying down with Phoebe for her bedtime. I glanced over at the bookshelf in her room, and noticed a few books I had just brought in from one of the many boxes we shuffled through while looking for that wedding video. "Hmm...I think I might read her this Winnie the Pooh book", I thought.

Back up a month or so. During one of my migraine episodes, I woke up in the middle of the night and had a random thought. Out of nowhere I thought about a card. The one I misplaced so long ago. I thought it was kind of strange that I was thinking of it, but I was suddenly compelled by the thought that maybe I had put it somewhere "safe" the day I moved out of my college apartment. "Where would I have put it", I wondered to myself.

Instantly I just knew: "A book. I bet you put it in a book". And for the first time in ten years, I suddenly felt so certain that this little treasure of mine would one day be found.

A couple weeks passed and I forgot all about the idea.

Until last night...when I grabbed that Pooh book. You see, in college I collected classic children's books, hoping to one day read them to my kids. So I grabbed the book and when I opened it up, a wonderful surprise was there waiting for me. I slammed the book shut and ran downstairs to show Xee.

"Ten years!", I shouted to him. TEN YEARS I have been praying to find that card. Not just any card. THE card! The card that started it all. The card that swept me completely off my feet and suddenly changed everything for me. The card that melted me, and revealed to me that this guy was different. Maybe even the one. Most definitely the one!

I read that card and held it closely to my heart. Such familiar handwriting, such familiar words. Ten years I have wondered about that card. Ten years I have believed it to be lost, hoping that maybe I was somehow wrong, but truly believing that I wasn't. It was lost.

A card. Something so simple, but still so important to me. A treasure from the past.

This has been a week of lost and founds, a bit of reassurance. A reminder for me to keep believing....

Never stop praying for even the slightest thing. Never stop believing that God cares about the most insignificant detail of your life. You never know just how or when a little hope or reassurance might come your way.

Mama

2010-07-24T20:00:00.006-10:00

Tonight, as I was finishing dinner by myself (a rare thing around here), I was suddenly reminded of the significance of the role I have as Mommy. This is how it went. Phoebe was so excited to see her daddy when he arrived home from work that she insisted on going with him to play basketball. I reluctantly said "yes", as it was dinner time, and I knew it might disrupt her bedtime routine. But...she misses her daddy so when he's at work, so I sent her off with a snack.

While they were gone, I took a relaxing, hot bath, caught up with some friends on facebook, then had a nice, quiet dinner. Alone. I was just clearing my plate when someone burst through the front door, sobbing uncontrollably, running in my direction. "Honey, what's wrong?", I ask. "What happened? Are you okay?" She just continued to sob and sniffle, and gasp for breaths in between (you know how kids do). She simply pointed her finger at me and all she could utter was , "You!"

"Me?"

"I...sniffle, sob, sob....I...sniffle, sniffle, need.....You."

"Okay", I said and she laid down on my lap and I stroked her hair.

"I....sniffle, sob, sniffle, sob....need....to blow my.....sniffle....nose."

We went into the bathroom to get a tissue. I tried to probe her with more questions, thinking something must have happened. And well, according to Daddy, she did get a little reprimand for almost running over a smaller child with a toy on wheels....but that didn't seem to phase her when I brought it up. She didn't seem upset, or embarrassed, or sad. She could only reiterate, "I...sniff, sniff, need You. I'm crying for You."

I tried to offer dinner options, insisting she needed dinner before bed. I even offered a popsicle. She didn't flinch. Just snuggled back onto my lap and looked at me with those big brown eyes, her favorite sucky- fingers in her mouth, closed her eyes, and let out a big sigh. She was right where she needed to be.

Sometimes in this life, and in this world, you just need your mama. When you are just feeling "done" for the day, totally exhausted and overwhelmed, there is no one like Mama. No substitute will do.

I remember back when was in college, I had days that totally overwhelmed me. When the weight of life, and all that was happening around me seemed like just too much to bear, I would grab the phone in the middle of the night, and dial home. A sleepy voice would answer without fail. Without hesitation, she was always there. Mom.

I was in that place a few days ago. I woke up in the middle of the night in horrible pain. Another migraine. My third this month! I came downstairs to ice my neck....and the first thing I thought about was picking up that phone...and calling my Mama. (Actually, it was my second thought. First, I was wishing that pregnant ladies were allowed to take a Valium.) I looked at the clock and knew she would be awake. Maybe I hesitated because she would be getting ready for work.

I didn't make that call. I wish I had. It would not have taken away the pain. But I know I would have felt better. Just hearing her voice, feeling her support as she offered her words of comfort, her prayers over me. There is nothing on this planet like the love of a mother.

Sometimes that overwhelming need and desire for me as a mom can be difficult to carry. But not tonight. Tonight there was nowhere I would rather be than in that moment with my daughter. The calm that came over her, the hush, the peace. To be the only one she had eyes for, the balm she needed to soothe it all away.

Mama.

There is no one like Mama.

We Do!

2010-07-21T21:28:00.012-10:00

Monday night we headed out to a private little cove here in Ko Olina, where Xee and I renewed our vows in the presence of our pastor, and our daughter. It was a gorgeous night. Saying "I do" meant even more this time around.

The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine action, and the most wonderful of all things in life.

Sir Hugh Walpole, 1900

Happy Anniversary Friend!

2010-07-15T21:02:00.011-10:00

After ten incredible years of marriage, I feel so blessed to have you as my husband. You have faithfully remained my lover, my very best friend, my true companion. May God continue to bless our marriage as we abide in Him. I am so thankful for your love and I cannot wait to marry you all over again.

Make a free slideshow

Talkie-Talkie Girl

2010-07-12T20:42:00.005-10:00

Do you ever get a random song stuck in your head? I mean, one you haven't heard in years? Something totally out-there and wacky? Today I was thinking about Phoebe. Actually I was listening to Phoebe....going on and on and on. And out of nowhere, a song from the eighties popped into my head. Anyone remember that song "You Talk Too Much" by Run DMC? (I had to google that by the way. Don't confuse me with any die-hard Run DMC fans.)

Is this sad or what? Now, this is totally involuntary. It is not like this was a favorite song choice of mine. In fact, I might say it was one of my least. What can I say? The mind is a funny thing. I was not having rude thoughts about my sweet daughter, but hey, if the shoe fits. She's a chatty girl. And I am no stranger to that trait, but well, as a mom, sometimes it feels as though my brain might explode. Sometimes I think it already has and is it slowly leaking out of my ears.

The girl talks A-LOT. She has a lot of words. There is much to say about the world around her and her interpretation of what she sees and what she feels and well, you get the picture. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. She is a lot like her mother. Although I must say that I have fewer and fewer words these days. There is little room left in my brain for my own thoughts, my own ponderings, my own interpretations of the world around me.

That's okay. I adore this age. I adore this child. She is incredibly bright and witty. She is an interesting blend. Having surveyed many moms during my own mommy experience, I must say I am thrilled with the amazing personality God has created in Phoebe. Many kids as daring and persistent, and adventurous as she, are not the touchy-feely type. She is. She is our little lover. She has a huge reserve of hugs, kisses, cuddles, and endearing words to offer. What a joy!

Once in a while I may feel like I need a mute button for the kiddo, but I am thrilled she wants to talk to us. I pray she will always talk with us, challenge us, engage us in interesting and thought-provoking conversation. The other day her daddy said, "Phoebe, it's okay to be quiet." She responded, "But I don't want to be quiet. I'm a talkie-talkie girl!" Yep, she is alright. And we love it.

But there remains the problem of this song...this ridiculously annoying song. I've heard the best way to get a song out of your head is to sing another one. Quick. Somebody sing something. Anything!

Sneak Peek

2010-06-21T21:14:00.012-10:00

You know that rocking chair of mine? Ironically, before the news of our latest development in the family, I moved it out of Phoebe's room to make way for the new dollhouse she helped purchase with her birthday money. We entertained the idea of selling it, but decided to keep it around for a bit longer. You know, for Phoebe's sake.

So Xee helped me wedge it through the doorway of our room, and it has been just hangin' out there in the corner for the last couple months. I eyeballed it a couple of times, thinking that it would be just like God to possibly be preparing me for something. And now, here we are. Well, the rocking chair is all ready to go. But am I?

Funny thing. Having the chair in our room, where Phoebe begins her sleep routine snuggling up next to us in our bed...well, now she wants to be rocked every night. Hmmm. Or could it be the impending changes in the air that have rekindled this spark with an old fling? Either way, I don't mind at all. With all the changes that are bound to happen around here, the bond I have with my daughter is not one of them. So I will rock her if she asks. Soon enough, she will likely insist that Big Sister rock her new baby brother or sister to sleep in that chair.

The Bible says that the womb is a secret place. I also believe it to be quite sacred. It is where the mysterious takes place. New life is such a wonder. It is a miracle every time, and as a woman, I know I am highly privileged to be the vessel for this new creation. Here is a peek into that marvelous mystery, the first glimpse of this little, tiny guy or gal.

Happy Father's Day!

2010-06-20T09:57:00.014-10:00

Reasons numbers nine-thousand-four-hundred-eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, and fifteen why I love this man....

He cherishes his family...

She knows how much he loves her...

He gives his strength...

And his softer side (that enjoys beach-side tea party dates with his daughter)....

And his super-cool creative side...ask him to make a mic stand and voila'! He does. And he includes a homemade guitar as well. AND he totally rocks out with you, singing all your favorite tunes!

From giant origami flowers and piggy-back rides, to silly bedtime stories and fancy homemade band instruments, Xee never stops showing that he cares. He is available, he is loving, he is tender, and he is strong. Just a few reasons why Phoebe will always say, "My Dad's the coolest!"

Happy Father's Day to an awesome friend and husband, and an incredible Dad! We love you!!

Shhh...

2010-06-08T09:54:00.004-10:00

Are you good at keeping secrets? I am. I can keep a straight face, come up with good excuses on the spot, and I am great with surprise parties...I never "spill the beans". I actually have a little secret right now. But I don't really want to keep it! It's the kind of secret some might keep for...say, twelve weeks or so. But I don't want to.

Some might wait. But I don't want to. I've told some of my family, but you all are just like family to me....SO have you guessed my little secret?

*Feel free to make comments here...but please, don't post it on Facebook! I'm not tellin' the world. You're among the privileged-for now!

Birthday Extravaganza!

2010-05-22T20:25:00.024-10:00

It's official. Phoebe is now four years old, and of course, we had to celebrate Phoebe-style. Every year I say that the next year will be just pizza and cupcakes...but Miss Phoebe had been planning her four-year-old birthday, well, since she turned three! She is so into Fancy Nancy. If you don't know who that is, it is a book character who is super fun, very frilly, and quite fancy.

AND so was this birthday party. All year Phoebe has talked about having a fancy birthday tea party, where the girls dressed fancy and the boys looked dapper. We had one very fancy tea party indeed. Phew, I am still exhausted! Next year...pizza and cupcakes for sure! Here are some birthday highlights.

Two days before her birthday, I surprised her with a trip to the nail salon for Mommy and Phoebe pedicures!

Fancy polka-dotted piggies!

All dressed up for her special birthday dinner at her favorite...Roy's! (The girl's got great taste.)

Let the tea party begin...

Phoebe had lots of specific details in mind...right down to the fancy little umbrellas...

And the lolly-pop bouquets.

What's a frilly party without a little jewelry making?

And origami heart lockets all bedazzled with jewels.

And one very dapper origami guy!

Good friends, frilly clothes, boas and tiaras...

And one absolutely gorgeous birthday girl!!!!

Last Days of Threedom

2010-05-07T20:00:00.008-10:00

We've arrived once again, to this place. A place of undeniable recognition that we parents must face...our kid is growing up. It just so happens this year, I get to celebrate two wonderful days at the same time. Mother's Day lands on May 9th this year, and marks the fourth anniversary of my becoming a mother.

Well, actually that happened about ten months earlier, because in reality, we moms all know that it happens the minute we find out there is a baby inside the womb. Suddenly we are aware of everything we eat and drink, we daydream about whether it's a boy or a girl, what they might look like, and we pray fervently that they will have five fingers and five toes on each hand and foot. We worry that we won't love them enough, that we will make horrible mistakes. Are we exercising too much? Not enough? How does this momma thing work anyway? All we know is that we have a little person growing inside our bellies. And we love em. Oh man, do we love em!

But nothing can prepare you, no matter how much advice people give you, for what comes after that squishy little bundle arrives and you look straight into their precious little eyes. Nothing can prepare you for what happens after you take that baby home. No, I'm not talking about the poop. Or the diapers. Or the sleepless nights, or even the breastfeeding. I'm talking about the heartache, mixed with pride, mixed with elated joy, all combined with a pinch of madness to make up this drunken stupor of emotions that is parenthood!

And then you find yourself arriving to the place we are right now. A birthday arrives. And then another. And another. First, your baby is days old, then months, then suddenly you are speaking in years. It took forever to get used to saying that I had a three-year-old. Now I find both my mouth and my mind trying to grasp this new concept of four. Four. FOUR!!! She's turning four?

We look back at the excitement we felt when Phoebe took her first steps, said her first words, put a sentence together, told us she loved us. And now? Now she is learning basic addition and subtraction, reading over a hundred words and some sentences, insisting she "help" wipe her own bottom (oh Lord, I knew this day would come), and painting her own toe nails! Now she is explaining the definitions of her two current favorite words-exquisite and metamorphosis. Every day I am wondering what on earth nine is going to look like....or eleven! Oh boy.

My baby is turning four!

But not today. Today, she is three. If only for a few more hours...I'm holding on tight to threedom!

Help Ben Make a Difference

2010-05-01T16:36:00.009-10:00

Okay, I was SOOOO... sore after that last run...for like, four days! For that reason (and the fact that it has been quite muggy around here lately), I have stuck to walking the last few workouts. Today I headed out to my favorite spot, the lagoons here in Ko Olina. Gorgeous! The first thing I saw when I arrived...my boat.

February marked the anniversary of my dad's entrance into heaven. Though that day was not easy, I celebrated. Afterall, I don't think my dad is missing this life, as much as we may be missing him in it. In honor of my dad, we recently sponsored our dear friend, Ben, who is currently training for an endurance race in June, to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. You can support Ben too. To learn more about it, or to make a donation, visit his site http://pages.teamintraining.org/dm/ambbr10/bwicke.

I am still feeling a bit word-challenged, so today I will revisit a post that was driven more by the sheer need to write it than by being inspired to. I guess that's when true inspiration comes.
Click HERE to read about my boat...and a little bit about my journey as a runner.

The Eye

2010-04-24T21:15:00.009-10:00

I went for a run this evening, for the first time in two weeks, due to a yucky virus I was fighting (for what seemed like eons). It was so nice to get back out there and push myself a little bit. I tell ya, two weeks can really throw you off once you enter your "thirty-somethings". I felt great for the first few seconds into my stride, but that burning sensation in my quads came a whole lot faster than usual. I wasn't sure how long I'd last, and then..."Dunt! Dunt, dunt, dunt! Dunt, Dunnah!" Thanks to Xee's array of musical download choices on my iPod, I now had...The Eye of The Tiger!

...For a short while anyway. When I knew I could push no further, I slowed my stride to a walk, and headed toward home. But just as I'm pacing myself back into a walking stride, I hear a fussing child, "Maawwmmmy!"

I pull the earbuds out.

"I need to go potty!"

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I did!"

"Oh."

Apparently the child had been trying to get my attention.

"Well, honey, can you wait just a few more minutes?"

"You should run Mommy."

Okay, no time to turn back toward the beach, and still plenty of space between us and home. My legs really wanted to be done running, but off I sprinted down the path, across the street, up the inclined parking lot...toward the fitness center locker-rooms. Unbuckle the child, race down the stairs, and into the restroom.

I must have looked pretty spent, because as we came out of the restroom and headed up the stairs, one of the golf-course employees chased after me with a cold bottle of water... and he said something like, "You look like you're dying."

(I don't know if I'd go that far, but my legs were a little wobbly.)

I glanced down at my sweat-soaked shirt and sighed to myself. Hmmph...What does he know about being a Tiger? I'm a MOM!

About Blank

2010-04-15T20:54:00.005-10:00

Okay, I don't know if it's just that I am uninspired, or that I have been fighting a nasty bug for the last week and a half....or have I used up all my words? That's it! I have no more words.

Not buying it?

Alright, alright....I guess I'm uninspired. But, wait a minute. There is inspiration all around me. How can I be uninspired?

It's the cough. Definitely the cough.

But then again...

I don't know. Nothin'. I got nothin'.

I'll be back when more words come to mind.

2010-04-03T22:25:00.002-10:00

Happy Resurrection Day!!!!

Why Good Friday is Good

2010-04-02T11:52:00.002-10:00

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5

Our Little Cubbie

2010-03-18T15:43:00.013-10:00

Well, hello there!

Has it really been this long? I must apologize to my faithful readers (um, especially to you sis) for not being around much lately. I write plenty of posts in my head...the problem is getting the oomph (and the time) to write it down. At the end of the day, I just want to plop down on the couch with a book, or watch a little TV with my husband, then crawl into bed. I've got a feeling you can all relate to that.

So, Phoebe has been attending Awanas, a scouting group for the kids at our church. When she turned three, we were so excited for her to finally get to join as a "Cubbie". And of course, this milestone got me all teary just thinking about her leaving the nursery for the "big kid" club. Yet another moment of graduation from baby to full-fledged kiddo. Oh boy, was she ready. As you all know enough about this kid by now, you can imagine that she is not the type to sit quietly in adult services for well over an hour. She's a DOER, not a sitter.

Seeing Phoebe join in with the other kids that first day of Awanas brought back so many memories of my time in a similar kids group, called Caravans. We sang songs, memorized scripture, and earned patches for our uniforms...which my mother lovingly sewed on, one stitch at a time. Being the modern, savvy mom that I am, I tried the "magical" As-Seen-On-TV fabric glue. I was actually quite impressed with my ingenuity...right up to the point where one of the Cubbie leaders handed me our daughter's patchless vest, along with a "nice try" pat on the shoulder. So now I am that mom who endures the occasional finger-poke, stitch after stitch, applying patches on this little uniform (yet another milestone in my own graduation process). But don't dare turn it over to see my handy work. I am not the seamstress my mother is. Hey, as long as the job gets done!

Here is a video of Phoebe dancing and praising the Lord. If you are wondering why she's wearing a football jersey instead of her vest, it was "sports" day. Notice the look of concentration on her face as she is quite intent on getting all the choreography just right. Sorry about the dizziness of it...I was in quite an uncomfortable, crouched position and was a bit squirmy.

My Romance

2010-02-13T20:45:00.029-10:00

Xee and I don't make a fuss on Valentine's Day. We have always agreed that it is sadly, dripping with so much commercialism and pressure to buy something to show that special someone you love them. Not that there is anything wrong with buying a gift or celebrating this special holiday. In fact, as you all know, we have been quite involved with the traditions of Mr. Valentine this year. So in honor of this special day, this is dedicated to the one I love.

When I look back to over ten years ago, I fondly remember one whirlwind of a romance. Falling hard and fast for a young man I had known for five years, as a mere acquaintance. The swelling in our hearts that both thrilled and scared us to death. The butterflies in my stomach and the absolute resolve that we were on the verge of something so much bigger than the both of us. It was magical.

We've been together now for nearly twelve years, married for almost ten. We have seen friends go through divorces, and we know just how blessed we are to not only still be together, but to have a marriage that thrives.

So I was thinkin' awhile back, about somethin'. What is romance? What does that mean? We are brought up with these romantic ideals. The princess awaits her prince...A knight in shining armor rescues a maiden and sweeps her off her feet...And then we have a few heart-breaks. We get wounded. We start to lose faith in that love. We wonder if it is even possible at all.

I know that not everyone has a story like ours. I feel so fortunate to have such sweet memories of that special time when we fell in love. We exchanged cards for no particular reason, left notes on each other's cars, stayed up talking till we fell asleep on the phone...you know how it goes. It was romantic.

All these years later, I have to tell you...we don't really talk much on the phone, and the butterflies are pretty rare. My definition of romance has evolved. Sure, I still love getting flowers for no occasion at all. We still like to surprise one another with a note here and there (though most likely, a grocery list gets inserted somewhere on the page). Those things are quite nice. But they are just things. And that leaves me back at the question, "What is romance?"

Without looking it up in a dictionary, or taking a survey, I think, for me anyway, I am going to stick to this simple definition. It is what one does to show love. That's it. We can get caught up in how we've been told it should look or feel, the way it looks on others, or how it seems to feel when we see it on a movie screen. But if we want to keep a spark kindled in our plain-old-regular lives, we better not miss what's right in front of us. Sparks are flying all around.

"What do I find romantic about Mr. Her?", you say. Well, while it would be fun to tease you all and say that he makes it a regular habit to massage my feet every night, bring me breakfast in bed, and leave chocolates on my pillow...let me just tell you the truth. He loves me.

He loves me. And I find it romantic that he gets up each day and heads to work, with us in the forefront of his mind, his true motivation for the workday. I find it awfully romantic that on his days off, he takes Phoebe along on his morning work-outs, so I can sleep in. Ah yes, very romantic indeed.

Is it romantic that he gets up with our child in the middle of the night, when she has had a bad dream? And when he takes her downstairs to sleep with him on the futon? Leaving the whole bed just for me? Oh yeah, que' romantica. And that one time (tonight actually), when I had a crazy, fluke accident in the kitchen, while preparing dinner, as I was cutting an insanely spicy chili and some flew up into my eye...and I was freaking out just a bit, he ran to my rescue and flushed out my eye and put his arm around my shoulder while I cried the spiciness away...now that was romantic!

He loves me.

And what I find most romantic is that he adores me most when I look and feel my worst. He chooses me. He chooses me to hang with in our jammies, to sit next to and watch TV. He chooses me when I'm grumpy. When I have bad days. He comes along side me when I struggle. He's at my side when I lay down at night, and when I awake in the morning.

He loves me.

So our romance has changed. There are now three of us in this love affair. As we go through our ups and downs, the ebbs and flows of this partnership, we fall deeper in love each and every year, and this is all punctuated by the fact that we are both so madly in love with someone else. I find that to be the most amazing part of all. I may not get butterflies often, but when our eyes meet in a moment of mutual adoration for that sweet girl of ours, I am truly head over heels.

THAT is magic.

He loves me.

I love him.

Don't forget the little things. Look closely...you may find them adding up to one whirlwind of a romance. Happy Valentine's Day!

Every Day is Valentime's Day

2010-02-10T19:51:00.009-10:00

While in California over the holidays, Phoebe woke up one morning and announced to our dear friend, Beth (God bless Beth for entertaining the little munchkin in the early morning hours, while I stayed in bed just a wee bit longer), "Let's make a Valentine!" So Beth folded a piece of paper in half, drew the half-heart shape, and Phoebe cut. And then she cut some more. And some more. And even more!

Two hours later, Phoebe and Beth had managed to make about twenty hearts, all done up with glue and glitter. Very fun. Very fancy. Very messy. And thus, the total obsession with Valentines began.

We have expanded our everything-hearts repertoire in every imaginable way. The girl wakes up every morning, claims the paper stash, and promptly asks for her scissors. To date, I can only guess that she has cut nearly two hundred hearts (no exaggeration), since December.

I imagine in four days, when I announce that it is truly Valentime's Day, for I dare not pronounce it correctly in her presence, that it will be heart mayhem around here. She has already announced that on Valentime's Day, Daddy will be dressing up like a king, Mommy will be dressing like a queen, and of course, she will be the princess. She has also proclaimed that we will be putting the Christmas tree back up and hosting a huge party!

Oh boy.

I think I might be able to convince her to have a tea party instead. We shall see.

Phoebe, Our Phoebe!

2010-01-30T19:25:00.012-10:00

I was sitting in the waiting room at my chiropractor’s office the other day, reading Real Simple…a rare treat to actually sit and read a magazine in the middle of the day. I managed to read about half a page before Phoebe ran over with a deck of "Go Fish" cards, insisting I join her.

The magazine was highlighting quotes from various people, answering the question, “Who inspires you in fashion?” Instantly I was able to answer, "My three-year-old." And it’s not just in fashion that she inspires me, it is with everything. If I had to describe her, I might call her a jalapeno dipped in maple syrup--dripping with sweetness, but fiery at the very core. This girl may ride her scooter in a tutu and tiara, but that doesn't stop her from performing daring tricks and remaining totally fearless! She’s full of life, untainted by the world. I want her confidence and her swagger. I want to wear polka dots and stripes, sport crooked pigtails, and all my favorite accessories at once, not giving a second thought to what people might say or think!

At the risk of sounding redundant, I just cannot believe how quickly Phoebe is growing up. Once in a while I feel the desire to speed things up, just so I can have a full-functioning brain again (or is it already too late?). Mostly, I am soaking in every moment of this age, knowing all too well that it is impossible to stop time from moving ahead. After all, the next birthday is just around the corner...and I will do everything in my power to keep the world out there from sneaking in and stealing away this precious youth, and pressing her far too soon toward the inevitable -Eeew, becoming a grown-up!

I know how you all enjoy the Phoebe-isms (I sure do), so I thought I would share just a few more with you. Here are a few things that can be heard around here lately:

~"Seriously, Daddy!" (You think she may have gotten this one from me?)

~We drove into a parking spot and there was a van, just like ours, in the next stall. Phoebe said, "Hey, look Mama! They have a car the same shape as ours...Do you think that they have kids that drive them CRRRAZY?"

~Today she came out of her toy closet...um, excuse me, castle, donning a fancy little outfit and announced, "I am the Princess of All, with sparkly shoes...My daddy is the King of All...and my mommy is the Queen of All."

Clap, clap! I called for the servants, but no once came, so I went ahead and started the laundry myself.

~Okay, this one is a bit embarrassing, but hey, I am a busy mommy. We were snuggling in bed one morning and I had my arms stretched out above my head. Phoebe said, "Mommy, your armpit is growing a mustache." (Oh boy, next thing you know she'll discover my morning-breath!)

~Even Phoebe's prayers are getting more and more sophisticated. Daddy and I tear up often at the dinner table. She will say something like, "Dear Lord, thank you for my mommy and daddy. Thank you for blessing us every day. Thank you for this food. God you are holy! Amen....oh, and please forgive our sins. Amen!"

~This may be TMI, but nothing is off limits with a three-year-old. She was in the bathroom, ahem, taking care of business, when she excitedly called for me. "Mommy, come here. Hurry, Mommy, come see!" I came in and she pointed between her legs, saying with great enthusiasm, "Look, I made a 'U' with with my poo-poo!" (Dr. Oz would be so proud.)

~Somehow Phoebe and her Daddy wound up in a deep conversation about Africa. Now Phoebe frequently tells me that one day she is going to "go to Africa and bring food and water because they don't have very much there."

~Riding in the car, she exclaimed, "Break down the windows, Mommy. Leo tooted!" (I guess imaginary friends have gas too.)

~She likes to randomly quote scripture, so at any given moment she might say, "I cry out to the Lord..." OR "For all have sinned, so God sent His son." She follows them all up with "first John, four-ten."

~Phoebe's favorite number right now is "sixty hundred". If I say she has five more minutes to play before cleaning up, she tries to push it to "sixty hundred". If you ask her a question that requires a numeric answer...chances are, the response will be "sixty hundred".

~If you ask Phoebe what her middle name is, she will say "Fish". She told me the other day that her first "second name" is Grace, but she changed it to Fish.

~So, speaking of prayers, Little Miss Bossy prayed at her tea party the other day, "Dear Lord, thank you for Mommy, and Daddy, and Phoebe. Please forgive my daddy for not being obedient to me. Amen."

Yes, she is three going on fifteen. She is taking us on one grand adventure. I realized not too long ago that her little toddler New York accent has gone away. So now I am clinging to some of the remaining jewels of this precious time...like the way she conjugates words or the few mispronunciations that still linger. Words like, go'd, drinked, maked, aminals, and my personal favorite, baawkamole.

Every day Phoebe expresses herself in ways that both amaze and amuse us. From the making up of silly words, to heartfelt songs about how much she loves her daddy, and of course, the absolute obsessive affection for "booey", we treasure the innocence, we relish the hugs and kisses, and we exhaust ourselves in a futile effort to keep up!

Vote For Phoebe!

2010-01-26T11:30:00.006-10:00

Here is your exclusive peak at Daddy and Phoebe's audition tape for Season 7-So You Think You Can Dance. They are SO in...

Unfortunately, I turned the camera vertical, thinking I could get a nice clip...but everything is now sideways. I was able to rotate in Picasa, but for some reason it would not upload to blogger that way. So, if you have a laptop, turn it on it's side. Otherwise, you will have to turn your head to one side or the other. He he.

Enjoy!

Season 7 Audtion-So You Think You Can Dance from Audrey Her on Vimeo.

Home At Last

2010-01-16T20:24:00.067-10:00

Hello! What a whirlwind of month we had in December. We started with our Christmas Open House...and the rest is a blur. Sorry it has been so long. I have been barely keeping up with real life, without throwing cyber life into the mix.

We had a great time in California. We arrived in Los Angeles, drove to Orange County, where we stayed for four nights, then drove up to Fresno, where we stayed four nights, then back to Orange County for the duration of our trip. All was going quite smooth, until Phoebe ended up with a bacterial infection, which led to bronchitis and an ear infection. Poor thing was sick for a good chunk of our trip.

Phoebe is fine now, and thankfully her yucky days were sandwiched by great days before and after. We are happy to be home. Between the packing and flying, the family events, the sick kid, and the task of boxing up Christmas after our return, I am still it a bit of a haze.

I am about to post a ton of pictures from our trip. Enjoy!

It had been a while since Phoebe played with her cousins. I always try to catch the three of them smiling, but they move so quick...this is as close as it gets.

Phoebe and Angelina got right down to business. Within minutes of our arrival, these two were decked out in princess gear, from their heads to their toes!

Phoebe and Nani were such great little helpers in the kitchen, preparing for the big feast at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

Grandma and Grandpa hosted an early Christmas gathering (since Xee had to be back at work on the 26th). Phoebe's aunties had her pose with as many relatives as she would, so we can look at these pictures and remember what a big, loving family we have back in Fresno. These are just a few of them.

With cousin Lisa.

With cousin Dale.

With cousin Simon.

Her and Auntie Chie.

And Uncle Pao...

Now with great Auntie and Grandma.

With Uncle James.

This cute little guy and Phoebe spent some time chatting like old friends...funny thing is, he only speaks Hmong and Phoebe only speaks English. So sweet.

Phoebe with Auntie Khou, cousin Lisa, and Auntie Mao.

And here she is with her Grandpa.

Xee takes a pic with some of the "men" of the family.

It turned out to be a White Christmas for us. We had a blast up at Shaver Lake! This was Phoebe's first time seeing real snow.

Say, "cheese!"

Nani is ready for a sled ride.

Nani snuggles up with Mommy!

Auntie Khou takes Phoebe for a ride...

It was a little bumpy at the end!

Xee seems to enjoy this as much as Angelina!

Khou climbs up to the top of the hill for quite a slick ride...this is the look of fear!

Lawrence, being silly.

Khou and Lawrence go down tandem and wipe out.

Phoebe thought the snow looked a lot like "shave ice", a local favorite in Hawaii.

Fun with Mommy!

Me and my guy!!

Auntie Chie gets started on a snowman...kind of looks like an angel, huh?

It turned out to be more like a snow gal...we took turns posing with her.

Here she is in all her glory!

The night before we left, Phoebe and Angelina got to decorate cookies...so much fun.

The finished product...awesome cookies girls! If you ask Phoebe what her favorite part of the entire trip was, she will say, "making cookies with Auntie Mao!"

After leaving Fresno, we headed back to southern Cal to spend Christmas Eve with more family. Here I am with the ladies.

My nephew, Matt, with his beautiful daughter, Cadence. Cadence is just a little older than my sister's youngest, Madison in the next picture...which makes Madison Cadence's aunt. We get a kick out of that one.

Adorable Madison. Don't you just want to squeeze her?

A big squeeze for great Aunt Sharon, for her favorite gift...

You cannot go wrong when you give Phoebe a ballerina doll.

For the last nine and a half years of our marriage, Xee has been notorious for taking "bad" pictures of me...sneaking up on me when I first wake up, when I am mid-sentence, or even when I am mad. So I am including this picture to document the rare occasion when Xee captures a decent shot...on purpose!

Christmas morning, at the Eisleben home. Xee and I arranged presents under a little tree that Phoebe had decorated...

Whether it was that the novelty of opening presents had worn off (is that even possible with a 3 year old?), or the fact that she was suddenly feeling very sick (that must have been it), this was not quite the response we were hoping for!

I reenacted it for Xee, with a little more enthusiasm, so he would feel better...

Just click your Fancy Nancy heels together and we'll be back in Hawaii with Daddy!

Travel Hangover

2010-01-09T21:39:00.000-10:00

Hey all! I'm totally exhausted...be back soon, I promise.

Happy New Year!!

Let Us Adore HIM!

2009-12-23T22:27:00.003-10:00

Simply Christmas

2009-12-18T21:38:00.003-10:00

If you haven't seen this elsewhere, now you have seen it here...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like....

2009-12-11T20:42:00.012-10:00

CHRISTMAS!!

Tea tights in origami Lilly pads (red, reminiscent of poinsettias) lined the walkway to our Open House last Friday night.

The regal reindeer graces us with his presence again this year.

Giant origami snowman!

Xee and I don't have an established Christmas tree tradition. Some years it was up just days before Christmas and was left for the entire month of January. Timing has varied, but we have not ever put it up before Thanksgiving....until this year.

Xee was a little anxious to get the tree up early this year. He was bugging me to put it up the first week of November! I finally caved in two days before Thanksgiving. I had come home from my Pilates class to a magical surprise of being surrounded by snowflakes. While I was busy exercising, Xee and Phoebe had been busy snipping away with their scissors to create our own little winter wonderland.

So I couldn't resist. I told Xee to go ahead and get out the tree. (Of course, it sat there for two days before I got the gumption to start the trimming.) Now, over the years I have been bothered by the increasing commercialism of Christmas and the decorations popping up at department stores as early as October. But maybe the excitement and anticipation of going back to California got us all into the spirit a bit early this year. And since we had plans to jump on a plane mid-December, I was happy to oblige Xee's request.

Phoebe and I hit the beach for one last day in the sun this afternoon. Phoebe said, "Mommy, the beach is going to miss us." Yes, we will miss you too! But we are so exited about being home for Christmas and it may even turn out to be white (if we can get there, it will be Phoebe's first time seeing snow). Since my sister moved back to California, it will be the first time in years that we will be together for the holiday. Though it will surely not go unnoticed that we are almost all there.

With our busy lives and the distance, Christmas was usually the one time we were sure to see my Dad. As the day approaches, I am already missing his strong affection for eggnog, his totally infectious laugh, the way he oohed and awed over my mom's desserts...still, all these years after they divorced. And most of all, the look on his face as he took it all in, cherishing each moment with us, loving those around him, joy shining through in his eyes.

My dad had a few nervous habits. Most of you know that he smoked. He also jingled his change and his keys in his pocket. He moved around a lot. They are just quirky little things that made him...well, him. I will feel their absence as well. It will be wonderful, but it won't be the same.

We leave at 6:30 tomorrow morning. We are packed and ready for our trip. I don't know how much I will chime in here in blogland, if at all. Things will be super busy. We will be visiting family and friends in Orange County, then heading up to Fresno for a few days, and back to Orange County again. For those of you who don't know, they are about a 5 hour drive apart...and I still have to address and send out our cards!

So in case I don't get back soon, we wish you all a very Merry Christmas and we pray that you will be keeping Christ at the center of your Christmas celebration. For He truly is the Reason for the Season!

Oh boy, I'd better get some sleep...

It's a Honu Miracle!

2009-12-03T20:40:00.010-10:00

Neither Xee or I have ever collected stuffed animals as adults. But on our "last hurrah" together, pre-Phoebe, we were staying here in Ko Olina (where we now live). I was pregnant at the time. We were walking by a little shop at the Marriott, when an adorable turtle caught Xee's eye. He went into that store as if this little guy was calling his name. I had never really seen Xee so excited about a child's toy.

I think something happens to us when we become parents. Something magical turns on inside and we are able to tap into, if only a wee little bit, that child-like quality that still resides in us all.

Needless to say, we bought the turtle. Xee wouldn't have left the store without him. He named him Honu, which means "green sea turtle" in Hawaiian. Honu has been with us ever since. He was at the hospital when Phoebe arrived, on the plane ride when we moved here. He's part of the family.

Recently Honu went missing. I figured we would find him in a day or two...I found myself panicing a little when I had checked the car, Phoebe's toy closet, under the sofas, under Phoebe's bed. Honu was nowhere to be found!

Have you ever lost something meaningful? Something that in itself, has little value, but is quite important to you?

I began to remember this one very special item that still haunts me today. A card. Not just any card. THE card. The one that sparked it all between Xee and I. He had written a lovely card to me the day after our first date, and when I moved out of my apartment and into our home together after we got married, that card disappeared. I went on a crazy rampage looking for it for months...to no avail. I still look for it. I pray it will show up one day. How could it go missing? How could I have let it happen. It was just a thing. But it meant so very much to me...

And now Honu was missing! Okay, not at all the same when you weigh the two against one another. The amazing card on one hand...the stuffed toy on the other? Regardless, I was worried. And I wasn't the only one. Xee and Phoebe were distressed as well.

I had looked in every possible place for our little turtle with the adorable smile. Oh boy, maybe he's gone. Maybe he fell out of the car without our knowing. Maybe he got run over by a car!

(So dramatic)

Then the other day I was putting away clothes in Phoebe's room, when I was suddenly compelled to look for Honu in a spot I knew I had already checked several times, up and down, and all around. Under the bed.

I lifted the skirt on Phoebe's little bed, and who was lying there, in plain view, just hangin' ? Unbelievable...our very own little Honu miracle!

I am telling you people...I had searched under that bed! Where did he come from?

Well, we are just glad to have our little guy back, safe and sound.

THE END

GIVE THANKS!!

2009-11-26T15:10:00.008-10:00

THANKSGIVING PROCLAMATION

"Now therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country ...."

(Note: the entire Thanksgiving Proclamation can be viewed at the Library of Congress website: www:http://www.facebook.com/l/3939e;loc.gov)

Oh, give thanks to the LORD! Call upon His name;
Make known His deeds among the peoples!
Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him;
Talk of all His wondrous works!
Glory in His holy name;
Let the hearts of those rejoice who
seek the Lord!
Seek the LORD and His strength;
Seek His face evermore!
Remember His marvelous works

which He has done...

Sing to the LORD, all the earth;
Proclaim the good news of His
salvation from day to day.
Declare His glory among the nations,
His wonders among all peoples.

For the LORD is great and
greatly to be praised;
He is also to be feared above all gods.
For all the gods of the people are idols,
But the LORD made the heavens.
Honor and majesty are before Him,
Strength and gladness are in His place.

...Give to the LORD the glory due
His name;...
Oh, worship the LORD in the
beauty of holiness!...

Let the heavens rejoice, and let the
earth be glad;
And let them say among the nations,
"The LORD reigns."
Let the sea roar, and all its fullness;
Let the field rejoice, and all that is in it.
Then the trees of the woods shall
rejoice before the LORD...

Oh, give thanks to the LORD,
for He is good!
For His mercy endures forever...
Blessed be the LORD God of Israel
From everlasting to everlasting!

And all the people said, "Amen!"

and praised the LORD.

1 Chronicles 16:8-36

Little Aching Heart

2009-11-25T20:09:00.009-10:00

Yesterday we drove our dear friends and neighbors, the Hulse family, to the airport. This is not the first trip Phoebe has made to the airport to drop off friends that would likely not return to Hawaii anytime in the near future.

This place is quite transient. We meet lots of vacationers that we would possibly hit it off with...if only they weren't leaving the next morning. And we have said more goodbyes in the last couple years than ever before. With people coming to Hawaii for short-term jobs and military assignments, this is part of life here.

Just the same, my heart broke a little for my dear, sweet Phoebe. This time, it really hurt. Having known Gwyn since she was 10 months old, she has been sad over this loss since I first mentioned that she was moving. Phoebe has had more than one of her "best-good-friends" move away. Up til now, it has phased her a little... But now she is older. She is growing up and her little heart grows attached.

Phoebe cried on the way home from the airport yesterday. And she expressed, over and over, her sorrow over not being able to play with Gwyn, that she wanted them to stay, that she wanted to play with her every day, and in her own sad (and dramatic) words said, "I only have one really friend left."

Sadly, she's right. Well, maybe two. Yes, she has two. My little social butterfly. Relationships are important. And maybe my heart ached for her because I too, have known that loss. Haven't we all? This is not an easy thing, saying goodbye. It never gets easier.

No, we don't like goodbyes. We have met some wonderful people here in Hawaii. Many are no longer here. But we feel blessed to have shared a little bit of our lives with them, and to continue in our friendship from a far.

We will miss you Rob, Laura, Gwynneth, Victor, and little tiny baby in the belly!

The Simple Truth I'm Clinging to Today...

2009-11-21T20:29:00.005-10:00

There's no dirty laundry in heaven.

Can I get an Amen?!

A Few Kinks

2009-11-04T23:36:00.010-10:00

I hate ironing. Okay, hate is a strong word. I don't enjoy ironing. I don't know anyone who actually enjoys ironing. I have clothes in my closet that don't see the light of day for months at a time because of my lack of enthusiasm toward this chore.

I often wonder if my aversion to ironing is that it is simply such a bother, or that I did several months worth of ironing as a punishment, or rather I should say, a "payment" for a few speeding tickets I acquired my senior year in high school. Man, I remember just slaving away, ironing piece after piece until my debt had finally been payed.

So I iron when I feel that I must. Or I use a little steamer...still feels like ironing to me. Of course, there is the wonderful invention of "wrinkle-free" clothing. I have this jersey-knit dress that I just love. I can sit in the car for an hour and come out looking perfectly smooth. And then, there's linen. Everybody likes linen. It is soft and casual, and it looks great in the store. But you get it home and it's a mess! You try desperately to smooth it all out, but you just create more and more kinks in the process.

It would be nice if life was jersey-knit. May I have just one wrinkle-free day please?

I've come awfully close, but there is always something. An unattainable parking spot, a glob of goup on a favorite shirt. Quite often it just comes down to my attitude. Sometimes, I am the wrinkle in my day. Call it what you want. I've gotten up on the wrong side of the bed? I need an "attitude adjustment"? I've got the grumpers and I just can't seem to shake 'em. I'm creating more and more kinks as the day progresses. Oddly, what seems like a deep crevice today, may be but a mere dimple tomorrow. Life is funny that way.

A few years ago, we were getting together with some dear friends. We arrived at their home and my girlfriend was in kind of a last-minute scramble to pick a new outfit for the evening. You see, she had asked her dear husband to iron the casual pants she'd picked out. Being the wonderful husband that he is, he did an outstanding job...only, he added sharp creases when they had not been required! She and I got a good laugh.

Have you ever had times when you're walking around with a crease that doesn't belong? It seems impossible to smooth it away? Life has wrinkles. Sometimes we're not presentable in our current state. Sometimes we be need to be pressed.

I suppose if life were jersey, it might not be as exciting afterall. Sure, kids would be well-mannered, houses would always be spotless, and there would never, ever be traffic.

But there would be no lessons learned. No growth. No need or quest for faith.

I am so thankful to have a God who smooths out the wrinkles in my life. Who is strong when I am oh so weak. Who is faithful when I am faithless. Who gives hope to hopeless, joy to the sorrowful...

And laughter to the grumpy!

Unexpected Potty Breaks

2009-10-26T22:03:00.018-10:00

Ah, a nice relaxing day at the beach. You sit and relax, take a dip in the ocean, and have a picnic lunch. You're watching the the waves and reading a nice book. And then your three-year-old suddenly announces, "I NEED TO GO POO-POO!"

You glance back at the nearest public restroom and resolve, "No way!" You shuffle your little one out to the parking lot, and take a quick little golf cart ride around the corner to the Marriott resort. You jump off the cart. You are both running, and she says, "Mommy, I can't hold my poo-poo..."

You are mumbling something under your breath and then you suddenly find yourself shouting it out loud, while looking directly at her tight little face as she runs..."Don't you dare poop your pants. I DO NOT want to clean that up!" You keep running and flashbacks of your earlier potty-training days are now running through your head. And you're surprised because your child has been trained for well over a year and is quite proficient at all of this...and should know by now that she must let you know as soon as she gets "the feeling".

So you've scooped her up by the armpits and thrown her on your hip, determined to get to that potty NOW. You are panicking a little because you're remembering that one "incident" at Target several months ago....

(Oh, I never told you all about the incident? Some of you may remember receiving a text message with a picture I snapped with my phone...I had gone in with Phoebe to grab just one item. Just one!

Well okay, Target had just arrived to the island and I may have gotten a little distracted.

Apparently, so did she. She had been potty-trained for about a year, so there were no worries about accidents in my mind...

Well, put a girl in Target and her eyes light up, the world is at her fingertips. She gets too busy exploring the gloriously colorful, beautiful toy aisles and neglects to tell her mommy about "the feeling" until it is just TOO LATE! She is running down the aisle, holding her bottom and well, I just have to say, thank God for the family restroom!! You know, the private one designed with kids in mind, for such a time as this.

We run in and I am thinking we've made it just in time...until Phoebe grimaces and says, "Yucky, mommy!" I look down at the poop on her shoe and realize it must have come from the poop on her leg...which of course, came from the poop in her pants!

Eeew. I was in a state of shock because I thought I had dodged this scenario. I mean, her first public poop accident and it happens a year after she's been in panties. Hunh?! After sanitizing the child and the restroom floor to the best of my ability, I realize I've gotten lax about keeping extra clothes in the car. Do I take her to the car and head home? Do I just buy her an outfit and continue with my shopping? Well, we are already here and I really want to just buy that one thing already. So I put the stark-naked girl on my hip and head back into the store.

Now, the plan is to nab an outfit for her, grab the item, pay for it, and go. Easy enough. Yet, the fiery little munchkin had another agenda, as soon as the corner of her little eye caught the glitz and gleam of....the accessory department. She pushes her way out of my arms and now people are starting to notice this totally naked child, minus the shoes....because in a matter of seconds, despite my efforts to catch the little bugger...she is donning several necklaces, a hat, and a sparkly purse!

Am I mortified? Embarrassed? I don't know. I am laughing out loud and rummaging my purse for my phone, lest I miss the chance to document the whole thing. I eventually bought the item we came for. I never got around to clothing the child. We got lots of stares and giggles, and a few tisk-tisk-like shake of the head (give me a break!), but I resolved that it was not anywhere near as bad as the nightmares I've had, where I am the one naked in a store. Nope, not so bad. Just another notch on my glamorous, golden belt of motherhood.

Yes, okay. Right. Back to the present time....

You burst through the doors while simultaneously grasping to get her swimsuit off. She's looking at you like you're a crazy lady. You frantically get a seat cover positioned, throw her on the seat and...phew! You made it!

You wait. Two seconds later she says, "All done."

"What? You said you needed to go poo-poo."

"Nope. Just pee-pee."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh huh."

Big sigh from you.

She shrugs her shoulders and giggles, "Oops...Guess I just had a big toot!"

Ah, yes. A relaxing day. In a matter of seconds you went from gloriously basking in the sun, to dripping with sweat. You look out at the beautiful blue ocean and decide that it is the perfect time to take a dip.

And so you do.

Weekend Wisdom

2009-10-23T19:54:00.012-10:00

I was chatting with a neighbor this afternoon and we were talking about some things our families have been through this year...from deaths, to financial difficulties, to the joys of parenting, and more. It is true, that as we get older, we realize what really matters in this life. Faith, family, friendships.

With the economic struggles we face as a nation, now more than ever, I place the highest value on these precious gifts. We are a consumer nation, so many gadgets and gizmos, so many have-to-have-its, so much STUFF. We are on a much tighter budget these days, and I am reminded to hold tight to what is dear to me...and keep a lighter touch on everything else.

1 Timothy 6:7 reads, "For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out."

and in Matthew 6:20-21, we are told to "...store up your treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

So this week I decided to host a blog hop. If you have words of wisdom to share, write your post on your blog, then grab the code for the hop and paste it at the bottom of your post. Any of your readers can grab the code and join the hop as well. It's really not all that complicated...read more at the MckLinky site. Find a link with directions below.

(Okay Strang family, you're up!)

Weekend Wisdom

2009-10-18T13:46:00.006-10:00

I have been hosting "Weekend Wisdom" every friday on To Your Health, and I am thinking of hosting it here instead. Hopefully you all will be interested in participating. Give me some love and leave a comment, would ya? Here is this weekend's post.

It's Friday night. I am posting a bit late...the week goes by so quickly! When it comes to wisdom, there is no better source than the infallible Word of God. So I look to the Bible daily, for wisdom, for hope, for truth.

This week I quote a passage from the book of John, chapter 6, verse 31 (also found in Matthew 7:12). We have all heard this quoted many times. The "Golden Rule" existed before Christ, in the rabbinic writings and also in other religions. All other versions cast the rule as a negative command, like Rabbi Hiilel's version, "What is hateful to yourself do not to someone else." But Jesus made it a positive command, saying,

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Now the meaning of the saying comes to life, and we see this one command sum up the whole gist of the ethical principles provided in the Commandments. We see that we ought not to just avoid hating or hurting one another, but instead be actively loving one another.

A Change??

2009-10-12T22:06:00.003-10:00

I'm taking it back-my excitement over the tradewinds return was a bit premature. They were here. It was glorious. Now they are GONE. And the past week has been one of the hottest, stickiest, muggiest weeks we've had all year.

So now I am looking forward to November. No. Let's just make it a real change and say December. Then we will have the change we truly long for. We'll visit family in a mild, yet cold enough for us, California winter. We might still wear short sleeves by day, but we'll have a guaranteed necessity for jeans and sweaters every evening. We'll relish our two weeks of winter...then return home and head for the beach! Ha ha!

Blog Award

2009-10-08T21:47:00.002-10:00

It's official. I have received my first blog award. I didn't even know these existed until recently! Well, it is an honor to be nominated.

Thanks to Ronnie at But Such Is Life for this award.

The rules of the "One Lovely Blog Award" are: Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

I must confess that many of these are not newly discovered. Here are my picks...in no particular order:

1. The Tea Party Place

2. Mom's Best Bets

3. Marina Masini Handmade

4. The Thrifty Home
5. Ebenezer Forest Farm
6. Alright...
7. DVFblog
8. Min and Noah's Ark
9. The G Line
10. Mark and Jana (invite only)
11. Gluten Free Betsy
12. Raising My 4 Sons
13. Confessions of A Domestic Diva
14. Clever Homemaking
15. Cupcake Kitteh

Welcoming A Little Change

2009-10-02T21:41:00.021-10:00

A change is in the air. I have been longing for October to arrive...well, since late June. Here in Ko Olina, we get "tradewinds" throughout most of the year. But during the summer months, the trades disappear and are replaced by humidity. Now, I am not about to complain to you all about life here in Hawaii. That would just be silly. But when you live this close to the equator, it is basically summer year round. We get excited about a little change.

Our weather is mild. It doesn't snow, the sun almost always shines, the thermostat never registers a triple digit, and the humidity is less intense than other tropical spots. We are incredibly blessed. You all know that I am fond of autumn. I have always loved it. Crispy orange and burgundy leaves, a chill in the air, sipping hot tea, and snuggling up with a cozy blanket. Well, those things may not typically describe the fall here in Hawaii, but I will say this:

The tradewinds are back! The tradewinds are back! Hallelujah-the tradewinds are back!!!

Tonight we went for an evening golfcart ride and since we were going against the breeze, we had to wear our hoodies! We were so excited to pull them out of the closet. We had to dust them off a bit, but we are so happy to have an excuse to need them...even if we still wore our shorts! Hey, last winter we had a couple nights dip into the fifties. We had hot cocoa and everything. Very exciting!

Weekend Wisdom

2009-10-01T23:38:00.000-10:00

Find Weekend Wisdom every Friday on To Your Health!

The Gift

2009-09-28T14:11:00.013-10:00

Men have the gift of sleep. I know a few women who have this gift too, but mostly men. I think God gave men the capacity to sleep just about anywhere, anytime. It is this special gift that allows them to totally "check out" for a bit, turn off their brains, and escape from the stresses of work and caring for a family. I remember after Phoebe was born, being sleep-deprived to the point of insanity, desperate to somehow acquire this ability to spontaneously sleep like the dead. We women just cope differently. God gave us the gift of gab-which we use freely to vent out frustrations to one another, or to share a funny story that ends in a fit of side-stitching, teary-eyed laughter with a friend.

But men? They can fall asleep in anything that moves-cars, trucks, trains, planes. You might find them asleep on the couch, in your favorite rocker, outside on the patio furniture, in the park, or in a chair at the mall, while waiting for their shopping wife. And if they really need a nap, they may even doze off while watching football, reading a book, getting a haircut, OR...widemouthed in the dentist chair!

Okay, maybe those last two are exclusive to my husband. You see, as far as the gift of sleeping goes, this guy is blessed! This is a man who walks past a park or a field and says with great admiration, "Ooh, nice sleeping grass." I recall one Saturday afternoon back in our California home. Xee noticed the sunlight streaming through the french doors in the kitchen. He layed down in the sunlight and sort of jokingly said, "Ah, I could just take a nice nap right here in the sun." I ran upstairs to toss in a load of laundry, and when I came down he was passed out, flat on his tummy, in a tiny pool of his own drool. I mean, who does this? Who falls asleep on a hardwood floor? Um...apparently, my husband does! (Too bad the battery in our camera was dead when I went to capture the moment.)

Right now Xee is is his office, enjoying a blissful little slumber while the landscapers are blasting away with the mowers and the leaf blowers. And I am out here admiring this gift. I have stopped coveting it, because it it shall never be mine to attain. So I am happy for him. Let him sleep. Let him drift away and escape for just a little bit. He needs it. He deserves it. If the gift of napping keeps him going and going, doing all that he does for us, each and every day...I too, am blessed by the gift!

Fashionista Does Modern Dance and Princess Praises!

2009-09-25T14:00:00.001-10:00

I thought I would share a few clips of Phoebe in action. She is such a little dancer, continually exploring her improvisational style of movement and experimenting with new moves!

Just before this video, Phoebe was dancing and she stopped abruptly because she decided that she needed to wear every piece of jewelry she has. Then she asked me to start the music again...

In this next little clip, Phoebe is doing a little impromptu worship (and watching herself in the window reflexion). So cute!

(Translation: "God you are awesome! God, you have your Holy Spirit in our hearts!")

Okay, now I have asked her to turn around and do it again for me. She gets a little sidetracked. This one cracks me up! Be sure to read the translation :)

(Translation: "You're awesome. Your Holy Spirit......I AM DOING MY STRETCHES... I think, God, do you not mind me doing my stretches? GOD-Do you not mind I am doing my STRETCHES, Lord?.............Jesus, You're awesome!")

:)Ha ha ha! Silly girl!

Pictures of the Kiddo!

2009-09-15T20:23:00.053-10:00

I was on the phone with my sister the other day and I mentioned Phoebe's new haircut. Then I realized she hasn't seen it...and neither have any of you! I have been a bit behind on posting pictures, so here are a few from the last few months (both before and after the new do-which is absolutely adorable by the way!).

Carefree, blissful, kiddo fun!

A special girl's lunch on my birthday with my very best girlfriend!

Sand play is serious business around here...

We love tea parties so much that we even have them on the beach!!

Cozy with Daddy after a beach day :)

Just chillin'!

It is so fun to create in the kitchen....

Checking the computer for a recipe-just like Mommy.

While sporting matching jerseys with her daddy, she also wanted to wear the tutu...that is just so Phoebe!

Breakfast has her seal of approval.

The girl rarely naps these days...but sometimes a little quiet time in front of her favorite show can induce a sudden, temporary comatose state. You can't fight it every time, little Miss!

Blowdrying her hair!!

A little light reading.

She's looking more and more like a little lady these days. Slow down, would ya Phoebe?

Blissful Mommy Moments And One Not So Lonely Chair

2009-09-01T20:00:00.015-10:00

For most of Phoebe's young little life, we have spent a portion of our day in our rocking chair (actually it's a glider, but we call it a rocker). When she first arrived, the glider, then strategically placed in the living room, was often my saving grace. Little ones change so quickly. The bedtime techniques that Xee and I have employed have shifted with her various stages.

When Phoebe stopped nursing and was sleeping through the night, the rocker was a place for winding down. I'd read her a couple books and sing to her while she soothed herself by sucking on her fingers...and loving on "booey". More often than not, she'd fall asleep in my arms. The days have gone by so quickly. I'm not sure when it happened, but our recent phase of winding down has shifted to Mommy and Daddy's bed. Phoebe loves to enjoy a book or two...or three, in our bed, snuggle up next to me and drift away before she's gently transferred to her own bed.

A few weeks ago I was walking past her room, and a lonely rocker caught my eye. I stood there and looked at it for a while, with a sweet longing in my heart. That night I nonchalantly asked her if she wanted to read in the rocking chair. She thought about it for about a second and said, "Nah...Can we read Curious George?"

Last night the little munchkin was having a bit of a hard time settling down for bed. She tossed and turned in our bed, kicking her legs, restless and wide awake. I didn't ask. I scooped up that great big baby girl and headed for the chair. With her head off to one side and her legs dangling way off to the other, we rocked as I hummed. Within a matter of seconds, my sweet girl was completely out!

Funny. Seconds earlier I had felt exhausted from the day. I couldn't wait to have a little personal space. Yet here I was glued to that chair. I sat there for the next half hour, just staring at her precious face. Watching her chest move up and down and running my hand over her silky hair. Pressing my face into hers, feeling her breath on skin...time stood still for just a minute.

Then a fluttering thought came and went, but a reality nonetheless. The inevitable. She's growing up. Though I can hardly imagine her ever being taller than me...one day she will be. One day she will rock a baby of her own in a chair much like this one. Of course I stuffed that thought into a deep, deep place in my mind and went downstairs to wash the dishes.

Tonight I tried to recreate the magic. Phoebe tossed and turned and declared, "I can't sleep Mommy!" Off to the rocker. After a few minutes of snuggle time, she said, "I'm sleepy now. Let's go back to your bed." Alright, I'll take what I can get. She's not going anywhere just yet. So for now, at least for now, I will rock her. I will sing. I will stare at her and smell her hair. And I will relish every moment!

Almost September

2009-08-24T20:52:00.015-10:00

I know it's almost September...when suddenly I feel a little blue. A sublte, but not subtle enough to go unnoticed, melancholy settles over me. I felt this happening a few days ago and normally I recognize it sooner, but I just couldn't figure out why I felt this way. I mean, sure, I've been having a little mommy burn-out here and there. It happens. But this was different.

Then I went to check my calander and it clicked. It's almost September! There is something about September. Xee and I have always found it to be nostalgic. Maybe it's because we started dating in September. Or maybe it is that September has come to represent change in our lives. We associate childhood memories of summer ending and school beginning. There was anticipation and hesitation and excitement, and a little fear. Fear of not knowing the full spectrum of things to come, yet a compelling desire to jump in and find out!

There is the inevitable change of summer to Indian summer and then to fall. Ah, the fall. One of our very favorite times of year. Now, I know that California doesn't have extreme season changes, but when we compare it to our current tropical home in Hawaii, the seasons in Southern California are noteworthy! Whatever it is, we seem to get a little home-sick around this time of year.

We miss our people. Sure, we have people here. We love our Hawaii people. But there are people, people we have history with, been-through-some-places-with-us people...that is who I'm talkin' about here. We will hopefully be in California for Christmas this year and already, the list of people we will try to see is growing unrealistically long. When we lived there we couldn't see everyone often, but just the possibility of it drew us close to one another.

And when I think about it, many of our people aren't even in California anymore. Life changes. People move on. Families grow. Responsibilities shift. Life gets busy. Okay, okay...forgive me, this has been an emotional year. I think it's safe to say that growing-pains are a life-long process. Seasons change, all throughout our lifetime. I find myself stopping periodically and asking myself, "How did I get here? When did I arrive in this place? How will it feel at the next destination?" How will I feel? Those same insecurities and the same sense of wonder still lurk on the edge of September.

Is it possible, I wonder, to love two places at once, with all of one's heart? If not, surely my heart is divided. We have great people. We love our people. And so there are little pieces of me...all over California, in Oregon, in Connecticut, and Colorado...in Arizona, New York, and of course, here in Hawaii. And since my sister just moved back to California, she brought the Utah pieces along with her.

I just want to take the time to say thanks to you people. We love you dearly. Thanks for meeting up with us via the blogsphere, email, facebook and other techie places. Oh, and my personal favorite, snail mail. There might be an ocean between us, but the kinship we feel with you all keeps you ever so close to our hearts. No, I don't mind this feeling at all. Welcome, September!

Be Amused

2009-08-20T20:18:00.003-10:00

My dear friend over at the Tea Party Place posted this on her blog and I got such a kick out of it! I just had to post this clever practical joke here for our readers. I think you will enjoy it, especially you Mom.

Phoebe Prays

2009-08-17T21:12:00.009-10:00

Another sweet prayer from my Phoebe this morning had me choking up a tiny bit-

"Dear God, please bless my mommy," she said as she layed a little hand on my shoulder (so sweet)."Please help Mommy to forgive me and me to forgive her. Amen."

Ah, this age is amazing. She is growing into such a little lady, looking at herself in the mirror this morning and declaring, "Wow, I look so fancy!" Then she grabbed her purse and we headed out the door. Later she was all tomboy, climbing up on her little step stool and pretending to ride a skateboard. Some days I don't think I am going to make it through age three. Today was in part one of those days toward the end. Sometimes I feel like I've just barely got my head above water. I am thankful for faith and oh so thankful for prayer. Where would I be without it?!!

2009-08-13T14:27:00.020-10:00

While I don't usually treat this blog like a journal, I have something on my heart so indulge me for today.

Dear Diary,

I went for a run this morning...it seems that every time I do, I find myself thinking of Dad. Maybe it's the music on my iPod, or maybe it is the fact that he's the reason I started running in the first place.

Or maybe, just maybe, it is the sailboats. You see, God has given me a special gift, a sign of reassurance, since that first day of running at the beach. I always see a lone sailboat out on the water. It's not always the same one, but it doesn't matter. It is hard to explain how I knew that first time-that it was there for me-feeling a stillness within that could only come from my Creator, a peace come upon me as the boat sailed across the horizon. It is funny, because my dad didn't sail or even live near the water. I just find comfort in seeing that beautiful vessel, floating freely. I cannot touch it, or climb aboard...but it is there. And then it sails out of my site line, but I know it is still out there...

And maybe it is that the last weeks with my dad went so quickly, and I hardly believe he is truly gone. We weren't always very close and the recent distance in miles made it even harder to see one another. So I find myself thinking of our last times together-gaps were bridged and only unconditional love remained. So I cling to the last memory I have of us together in the hospital room, as I touched his head through a latex glove, and removed my mask for the first time to give him a real kiss on the cheek. And I said, "Okay Dad, see you Monday. I love you."

When Monday morning came and as I gathered my things to head over to the hospital, and I got that phone call, I immediately mourned for the loss of a hope I had been holding onto...a longing for just a few more memories to be created-in what little time I had imagined we might have left with him. And I was touched so deeply, holding my daughter tightly as she patted my chest and said, "It's okay, Mommy. I'm here." But it hurt, oh how it hurt, dear Diary.

I suppose I think of him during this time because I can. Running focuses me. I can be a bit flighty at times, my mind in a hundred different places at once-thoughts of my little one, my grocery list, unfinished projects around the house. But when I run, with my heart pounding in my chest, my legs pumping, my eyes narrowed ahead...I am moving forward. Everything else is behind me. Today I wipe away the sweat and the tears that have mixed in with the rain, and I am thankful. My mind is uncluttered and I can pray or think of someone special, or just enjoy the world around me. Yeah, I'm still running...And I'm still healing...And I'm still missing you, Dad.

Amen!

2009-08-12T11:30:00.007-10:00

Phoebe's sweet little prayer before our morning Bible reading went like this-

Dear Lord, thank you for the day. Thank you for the Bible. Please bless us. Please bless my mommy. Bless me and her. Please help me to obey Mommy. Amen.

Random Thought

2009-08-10T13:16:00.023-10:00

I just got back from the dentist a little while ago, not my favorite thing to do, but not all so bad. I was in for a cleaning last week when the doctor found a chip on one of my molars. Anyway, I was laying there, thinking about how our bodies function and how automatic things are. We get a feeling and we know we have to pee. We need to swallow, and our mouth and throat just do it. And it involves this very strong, has-a-mind-of-it's-own muscle...the tongue. As soon as the dentist sticks an apparatus in my mouth, I tell you, it is like a puppy, running around sniffing everything in sight. Good thing the dental assistant has two hands available, one for suction and the other to hold down my curious tongue!

I also find it odd that every time I get work done on my mouth, I am told the Novocaine will wear off in a couple hours or so. Really?! Because it has been three and a half hours and not only is the right side of my mouth and tongue still numb, but the Novocaine has spread to my chin and part of my nose. What's up with that? Maybe some people are more sensitive than others. Yeah, I realize this is a random post, but I was just thinkin' and I had the time to tell you all about it. Maybe I just needed something to take my mind off my growling belly...I tried eating. It feels weird and it takes forever to chew my food. Go away numbness. C'mon already!

How Free Is Three!

2009-07-28T13:01:00.008-10:00

Three is a marvelous age! I want to be three. I want to bottle up everything about three (okay, not everything) and take a drink. And mostly, I want to freeze three and keep Phoebe this age for a long, long time. But even if I had the power to freeze time, I would only do it for a short while because it just gets better. It is amazing how quickly kids go from babbling to ridiculously grown-up sentences and thought-provoking questions. I love how Phoebe's artistry has transformed from mere scribble to drawing. Here are a couple of her recent works:

An awesome rendition of her daddy that is proudly displayed in his office at work.

Phoebe loves to write and paint her name!

To Your Health!

2009-07-18T23:00:00.005-10:00

With a little push from Xee, I have been inspired to turn this into a regular thing with my new blog-To Your Health. As a busy mommy, I hope to be able to post regularly and keep up with both blogs. It is still in a bit of a rough stage, but if you want more of To Your Health, check it out at www.to-yourhealth.blogspot.com.