Happy Father's Day!

This free ecard personalized with Smilebox

Belated Birthday Wish

I was thinking the other day, about my Dad, and how I had kind of hoped the baby would be born on his birthday. It's not that I was so much looking for a sign, although maybe I was, but it was a fun thing to imagine something so special. Oh, the smile my dad would have had on his face. I've always loved my dad very much, yet I never had enough of his presence in my life to ever truly feel that close to him. In his last few days in the hospital, I felt that closeness...then suddenly he was gone.

Funny thing...Dad wasn't the best at remembering birthdays. He tried. My parents were divorced when I was young, and he worked a LOT. I didn't see him that often, but he usually showed up bearing gifts-his way of trying to make up for that, I suppose. He worked so hard all his life to make up for the mistakes he had made. And also, I think in part, as a punishment for himself.

As a kid, holidays were the one time I knew I would spend time with my dad. He would show up with gifts or candy, or money. But birthdays? Well, he had a hard time with birthdays. He would often call a couple days later, apologizing for forgetting. He was forever guessing our ages, poor guy had a hard time keeping up with how fast we were growing up. Once or twice I recall a card actually arriving early. He was determined to get that birthday thing right.

In the last, very uncomfortable weeks of my pregnancy, I was waiting and waiting for Ezra to arrive, and as with Phoebe, I didn't progress. The 25th of January rolled around and I was having such intense pain that I thought it might actually happen. It just HAD to happen soon. When the boy did not arrive on his own, I threw in the towel and had him "removed" the following night. One day after Dad's birthday. Maybe not a sign...but instead a wink to my Dad. A belated birthday gift. When I listen carefully, I am quite sure I hear him chuckle.

Happy Birthday Dad!

The Dad Life

Okay, so if you have not seen this video, it is hysterical. To all my dad friends, and to my own babies' Daddy, here's to embracing the Dad Life!

Happy Father's Day!

Reasons numbers nine-thousand-four-hundred-eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, and fifteen why I love this man....

He cherishes his family...

She knows how much he loves her...

He gives his strength...

And his softer side (that enjoys beach-side tea party dates with his daughter)....

And his super-cool creative side...ask him to make a mic stand and voila'! He does. And he includes a homemade guitar as well. AND he totally rocks out with you, singing all your favorite tunes!

From giant origami flowers and piggy-back rides, to silly bedtime stories and fancy homemade band instruments, Xee never stops showing that he cares. He is available, he is loving, he is tender, and he is strong. Just a few reasons why Phoebe will always say, "My Dad's the coolest!"

Happy Father's Day to an awesome friend and husband, and an incredible Dad! We love you!!

Help Ben Make a Difference

Okay, I was SOOOO... sore after that last run...for like, four days! For that reason (and the fact that it has been quite muggy around here lately), I have stuck to walking the last few workouts. Today I headed out to my favorite spot, the lagoons here in Ko Olina. Gorgeous! The first thing I saw when I arrived...my boat.

February marked the anniversary of my dad's entrance into heaven. Though that day was not easy, I celebrated. Afterall, I don't think my dad is missing this life, as much as we may be missing him in it. In honor of my dad, we recently sponsored our dear friend, Ben, who is currently training for an endurance race in June, to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. You can support Ben too. To learn more about it, or to make a donation, visit his site http://pages.teamintraining.org/dm/ambbr10/bwicke.

I am still feeling a bit word-challenged, so today I will revisit a post that was driven more by the sheer need to write it than by being inspired to. I guess that's when true inspiration comes.
Click HERE to read about my boat...and a little bit about my journey as a runner.

Vote For Phoebe!

Here is your exclusive peak at Daddy and Phoebe's audition tape for Season 7-So You Think You Can Dance. They are SO in...

Unfortunately, I turned the camera vertical, thinking I could get a nice clip...but everything is now sideways. I was able to rotate in Picasa, but for some reason it would not upload to blogger that way. So, if you have a laptop, turn it on it's side. Otherwise, you will have to turn your head to one side or the other. He he.

Enjoy!

Season 7 Audtion-So You Think You Can Dance from Audrey Her on Vimeo.

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like....

CHRISTMAS!!

Tea tights in origami Lilly pads (red, reminiscent of poinsettias) lined the walkway to our Open House last Friday night.

The regal reindeer graces us with his presence again this year.

Giant origami snowman!

Xee and I don't have an established Christmas tree tradition. Some years it was up just days before Christmas and was left for the entire month of January. Timing has varied, but we have not ever put it up before Thanksgiving....until this year.

Xee was a little anxious to get the tree up early this year. He was bugging me to put it up the first week of November! I finally caved in two days before Thanksgiving. I had come home from my Pilates class to a magical surprise of being surrounded by snowflakes. While I was busy exercising, Xee and Phoebe had been busy snipping away with their scissors to create our own little winter wonderland.

So I couldn't resist. I told Xee to go ahead and get out the tree. (Of course, it sat there for two days before I got the gumption to start the trimming.) Now, over the years I have been bothered by the increasing commercialism of Christmas and the decorations popping up at department stores as early as October. But maybe the excitement and anticipation of going back to California got us all into the spirit a bit early this year. And since we had plans to jump on a plane mid-December, I was happy to oblige Xee's request.

Phoebe and I hit the beach for one last day in the sun this afternoon. Phoebe said, "Mommy, the beach is going to miss us." Yes, we will miss you too! But we are so exited about being home for Christmas and it may even turn out to be white (if we can get there, it will be Phoebe's first time seeing snow). Since my sister moved back to California, it will be the first time in years that we will be together for the holiday. Though it will surely not go unnoticed that we are almost all there.

With our busy lives and the distance, Christmas was usually the one time we were sure to see my Dad. As the day approaches, I am already missing his strong affection for eggnog, his totally infectious laugh, the way he oohed and awed over my mom's desserts...still, all these years after they divorced. And most of all, the look on his face as he took it all in, cherishing each moment with us, loving those around him, joy shining through in his eyes.

My dad had a few nervous habits. Most of you know that he smoked. He also jingled his change and his keys in his pocket. He moved around a lot. They are just quirky little things that made him...well, him. I will feel their absence as well. It will be wonderful, but it won't be the same.

We leave at 6:30 tomorrow morning. We are packed and ready for our trip. I don't know how much I will chime in here in blogland, if at all. Things will be super busy. We will be visiting family and friends in Orange County, then heading up to Fresno for a few days, and back to Orange County again. For those of you who don't know, they are about a 5 hour drive apart...and I still have to address and send out our cards!

So in case I don't get back soon, we wish you all a very Merry Christmas and we pray that you will be keeping Christ at the center of your Christmas celebration. For He truly is the Reason for the Season!

Oh boy, I'd better get some sleep...

While I don't usually treat this blog like a journal, I have something on my heart so indulge me for today.

Dear Diary,

I went for a run this morning...it seems that every time I do, I find myself thinking of Dad. Maybe it's the music on my iPod, or maybe it is the fact that he's the reason I started running in the first place.

Or maybe, just maybe, it is the sailboats. You see, God has given me a special gift, a sign of reassurance, since that first day of running at the beach. I always see a lone sailboat out on the water. It's not always the same one, but it doesn't matter. It is hard to explain how I knew that first time-that it was there for me-feeling a stillness within that could only come from my Creator, a peace come upon me as the boat sailed across the horizon. It is funny, because my dad didn't sail or even live near the water. I just find comfort in seeing that beautiful vessel, floating freely. I cannot touch it, or climb aboard...but it is there. And then it sails out of my site line, but I know it is still out there...

And maybe it is that the last weeks with my dad went so quickly, and I hardly believe he is truly gone. We weren't always very close and the recent distance in miles made it even harder to see one another. So I find myself thinking of our last times together-gaps were bridged and only unconditional love remained. So I cling to the last memory I have of us together in the hospital room, as I touched his head through a latex glove, and removed my mask for the first time to give him a real kiss on the cheek. And I said, "Okay Dad, see you Monday. I love you."

When Monday morning came and as I gathered my things to head over to the hospital, and I got that phone call, I immediately mourned for the loss of a hope I had been holding onto...a longing for just a few more memories to be created-in what little time I had imagined we might have left with him. And I was touched so deeply, holding my daughter tightly as she patted my chest and said, "It's okay, Mommy. I'm here." But it hurt, oh how it hurt, dear Diary.

I suppose I think of him during this time because I can. Running focuses me. I can be a bit flighty at times, my mind in a hundred different places at once-thoughts of my little one, my grocery list, unfinished projects around the house. But when I run, with my heart pounding in my chest, my legs pumping, my eyes narrowed ahead...I am moving forward. Everything else is behind me. Today I wipe away the sweat and the tears that have mixed in with the rain, and I am thankful. My mind is uncluttered and I can pray or think of someone special, or just enjoy the world around me. Yeah, I'm still running...And I'm still healing...And I'm still missing you, Dad.

Happy Father's Day

This year, Father's Day felt a little unusual. Of course I wanted to celebrate the wonderful husband and daddy in our lives, yet it didn't go unnoticed, that I didn't hear my own dad's voice on the other line of a telephone call (and I can't tell you how many times I have almost dialed his number in the last few months). Nor did I rush out to buy just the right card and get it in the mail in time for him to receive it by Saturday.

Xee, Phoebe and I had a lovely dinner tonight and when we got home I went through some old photos. Here are a couple favorites. Love you Dad!