Mama

Tonight, as I was finishing dinner by myself (a rare thing around here), I was suddenly reminded of the significance of the role I have as Mommy. This is how it went. Phoebe was so excited to see her daddy when he arrived home from work that she insisted on going with him to play basketball. I reluctantly said "yes", as it was dinner time, and I knew it might disrupt her bedtime routine. But...she misses her daddy so when he's at work, so I sent her off with a snack.

While they were gone, I took a relaxing, hot bath, caught up with some friends on facebook, then had a nice, quiet dinner. Alone. I was just clearing my plate when someone burst through the front door, sobbing uncontrollably, running in my direction. "Honey, what's wrong?", I ask. "What happened? Are you okay?" She just continued to sob and sniffle, and gasp for breaths in between (you know how kids do). She simply pointed her finger at me and all she could utter was , "You!"

"Me?"

"I...sniffle, sob, sob....I...sniffle, sniffle, need.....You."

"Okay", I said and she laid down on my lap and I stroked her hair.

"I....sniffle, sob, sniffle, sob....need....to blow my.....sniffle....nose."

We went into the bathroom to get a tissue. I tried to probe her with more questions, thinking something must have happened. And well, according to Daddy, she did get a little reprimand for almost running over a smaller child with a toy on wheels....but that didn't seem to phase her when I brought it up. She didn't seem upset, or embarrassed, or sad. She could only reiterate, "I...sniff, sniff, need You. I'm crying for You."

I tried to offer dinner options, insisting she needed dinner before bed. I even offered a popsicle. She didn't flinch. Just snuggled back onto my lap and looked at me with those big brown eyes, her favorite sucky- fingers in her mouth, closed her eyes, and let out a big sigh. She was right where she needed to be.

Sometimes in this life, and in this world, you just need your mama. When you are just feeling "done" for the day, totally exhausted and overwhelmed, there is no one like Mama. No substitute will do.

I remember back when was in college, I had days that totally overwhelmed me. When the weight of life, and all that was happening around me seemed like just too much to bear, I would grab the phone in the middle of the night, and dial home. A sleepy voice would answer without fail. Without hesitation, she was always there. Mom.

I was in that place a few days ago. I woke up in the middle of the night in horrible pain. Another migraine. My third this month! I came downstairs to ice my neck....and the first thing I thought about was picking up that phone...and calling my Mama. (Actually, it was my second thought. First, I was wishing that pregnant ladies were allowed to take a Valium.) I looked at the clock and knew she would be awake. Maybe I hesitated because she would be getting ready for work.

I didn't make that call. I wish I had. It would not have taken away the pain. But I know I would have felt better. Just hearing her voice, feeling her support as she offered her words of comfort, her prayers over me. There is nothing on this planet like the love of a mother.

Sometimes that overwhelming need and desire for me as a mom can be difficult to carry. But not tonight. Tonight there was nowhere I would rather be than in that moment with my daughter. The calm that came over her, the hush, the peace. To be the only one she had eyes for, the balm she needed to soothe it all away.

Mama.

There is no one like Mama.

We Do!

Monday night we headed out to a private little cove here in Ko Olina, where Xee and I renewed our vows in the presence of our pastor, and our daughter. It was a gorgeous night. Saying "I do" meant even more this time around.

The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine action, and the most wonderful of all things in life.

Sir Hugh Walpole, 1900

Happy Anniversary Friend!

After ten incredible years of marriage, I feel so blessed to have you as my husband. You have faithfully remained my lover, my very best friend, my true companion. May God continue to bless our marriage as we abide in Him. I am so thankful for your love and I cannot wait to marry you all over again.

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Talkie-Talkie Girl

Do you ever get a random song stuck in your head? I mean, one you haven't heard in years? Something totally out-there and wacky? Today I was thinking about Phoebe. Actually I was listening to Phoebe....going on and on and on. And out of nowhere, a song from the eighties popped into my head. Anyone remember that song "You Talk Too Much" by Run DMC? (I had to google that by the way. Don't confuse me with any die-hard Run DMC fans.)

Is this sad or what? Now, this is totally involuntary. It is not like this was a favorite song choice of mine. In fact, I might say it was one of my least. What can I say? The mind is a funny thing. I was not having rude thoughts about my sweet daughter, but hey, if the shoe fits. She's a chatty girl. And I am no stranger to that trait, but well, as a mom, sometimes it feels as though my brain might explode. Sometimes I think it already has and is it slowly leaking out of my ears.

The girl talks A-LOT. She has a lot of words. There is much to say about the world around her and her interpretation of what she sees and what she feels and well, you get the picture. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. She is a lot like her mother. Although I must say that I have fewer and fewer words these days. There is little room left in my brain for my own thoughts, my own ponderings, my own interpretations of the world around me.

That's okay. I adore this age. I adore this child. She is incredibly bright and witty. She is an interesting blend. Having surveyed many moms during my own mommy experience, I must say I am thrilled with the amazing personality God has created in Phoebe. Many kids as daring and persistent, and adventurous as she, are not the touchy-feely type. She is. She is our little lover. She has a huge reserve of hugs, kisses, cuddles, and endearing words to offer. What a joy!

Once in a while I may feel like I need a mute button for the kiddo, but I am thrilled she wants to talk to us. I pray she will always talk with us, challenge us, engage us in interesting and thought-provoking conversation. The other day her daddy said, "Phoebe, it's okay to be quiet." She responded, "But I don't want to be quiet. I'm a talkie-talkie girl!" Yep, she is alright. And we love it.

But there remains the problem of this song...this ridiculously annoying song. I've heard the best way to get a song out of your head is to sing another one. Quick. Somebody sing something. Anything!