August 24, 2009

Almost September

I know it's almost September...when suddenly I feel a little blue. A sublte, but not subtle enough to go unnoticed, melancholy settles over me. I felt this happening a few days ago and normally I recognize it sooner, but I just couldn't figure out why I felt this way. I mean, sure, I've been having a little mommy burn-out here and there. It happens. But this was different.

Then I went to check my calander and it clicked. It's almost September! There is something about September. Xee and I have always found it to be nostalgic. Maybe it's because we started dating in September. Or maybe it is that September has come to represent change in our lives. We associate childhood memories of summer ending and school beginning. There was anticipation and hesitation and excitement, and a little fear. Fear of not knowing the full spectrum of things to come, yet a compelling desire to jump in and find out!

There is the inevitable change of summer to Indian summer and then to fall. Ah, the fall. One of our very favorite times of year. Now, I know that California doesn't have extreme season changes, but when we compare it to our current tropical home in Hawaii, the seasons in Southern California are noteworthy! Whatever it is, we seem to get a little home-sick around this time of year.

We miss our people. Sure, we have people here. We love our Hawaii people. But there are people, people we have history with, been-through-some-places-with-us people...that is who I'm talkin' about here. We will hopefully be in California for Christmas this year and already, the list of people we will try to see is growing unrealistically long. When we lived there we couldn't see everyone often, but just the possibility of it drew us close to one another.

And when I think about it, many of our people aren't even in California anymore. Life changes. People move on. Families grow. Responsibilities shift. Life gets busy. Okay, okay...forgive me, this has been an emotional year. I think it's safe to say that growing-pains are a life-long process. Seasons change, all throughout our lifetime. I find myself stopping periodically and asking myself, "How did I get here? When did I arrive in this place? How will it feel at the next destination?" How will I feel? Those same insecurities and the same sense of wonder still lurk on the edge of September.

Is it possible, I wonder, to love two places at once, with all of one's heart? If not, surely my heart is divided. We have great people. We love our people. And so there are little pieces of me...all over California, in Oregon, in Connecticut, and Colorado...in Arizona, New York, and of course, here in Hawaii. And since my sister just moved back to California, she brought the Utah pieces along with her.

I just want to take the time to say thanks to you people. We love you dearly. Thanks for meeting up with us via the blogsphere, email, facebook and other techie places. Oh, and my personal favorite, snail mail. There might be an ocean between us, but the kinship we feel with you all keeps you ever so close to our hearts. No, I don't mind this feeling at all. Welcome, September!

4 comments:

Laurel said...

I get the September feeling. I feel that fall nostalgia every year, too. How very glad I am that we can be in touch again on a regular basis. Even if it is over the computer screen. xoxo

Shiloh Strang said...

Hi Audrey!!
We love you too!
Love,
Cindy

The Euless Martins said...

I am always deeply touched to read your comments. You are so insightful and gifted. Thank you for warming my heart time and time again. Love to all 3 of you!

"Yinda"

ps...went to my first ever Pilates class this morning and thought of you and your strength...it kept me pushing!

M. Fritze said...

oooh i so know about those "fall blues." i just want to smell some crisp air and leaves falling with my family around! maybe soon.