Dear Phoebe

(I began this letter to my wonderful daughter back in June, but somehow could not find the words to complete it until now.)


Dearest Phoebe,

I am writing you this letter during a very special and exciting time for our family. We were taking a bath together, you and I, when I told you some big news. You were nestled up next to me and I whispered it to you, "Phoebe, guess what?" You're eyes looked at me with wonder. "There's a baby in Mommy's belly." Your eyes grew even wider as you looked down and touched my tummy sweetly.

Suddenly you were filled with questions and ideas. Will it be a boy or a girl? When will he or she come out? And of course, you wanted me to tell you the special story you've heard so many times, of how God blessed Mommy and Daddy with you inside my belly, and of the day you arrived to meet us. You were so excited about a new baby brother or sister growing in that same special place.

Each day you have ideas and questions about the new baby...but I can also see some reservation in your eyes. When we snuggled in bed last night, you bravely revealed to me, "I don't want the baby to come out!" Oh Phoebe, my eyes filled with tears, and my heart ached just a bit. Because I know just how you feel, my Love. I'm not ready for Baby to come out either. But I will be. And you will be too. When the time is right.

When the time is right, our hearts...yours, mine, and Daddy's, will be filled with excitement, and anticipation, and love for Baby. We'll be so excited, we won't be able to stand it! When the time is right. But for now, I will continue to relish my time with you. Just me and you.

It's been so precious to spend these last four years getting to know you, teaching you, falling madly in love with you. You amaze me every day. Your energy, your spontaneity, your generous spirit...everyone who knows you would agree that you are simply infectious. I told a friend once that there is an amazing feeling when you just "click" with someone...but when you just click with someone who is half-you, it is so much cooler, an indescribable feeling. Being with you Phoebe...it's the absolute best!

And now that Baby is on the way, and our hearts are preparing to meet him and welcome him into our family, I see more and more of who you, are and who you are becoming. I see my big girl growing in ways I can only imagine for the future. A big sister. Baby will be so blessed. Our family is changing in a big way and I can see God preparing your heart for such a change. Life is full of changes, dear one. This will be just one of many for you, and I am already so proud to see you embrace it. I know you will learn and grow so much. We all will.

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with you. I was so incredibly thrilled. And I was a bit nervous too. How will this change me? How will this change my life? Will I be a good mommy? Will I know how to love you?

Months have gone by since I began this letter. I didn't seem to have the right words to complete it before now. As my belly has continued to swell, I have watched you fall in love with your baby brother. Your joy and anticipation has only fueled my own. I wondered at first how this new addition might change things between us, but it has just deepened our bond. When I stop and ponder how I will feel about this new little one, how I will be the mommy God wants me to be to both of you, I remember that you are here with me to experience it all.

You will be with me Phoebe, as you have been since the beginning of my Mama journey. You see, sweet girl, everything I know about being a mommy is wrapped up in you. I didn't know how to nurse a baby from my breast, but you showed me. I wasn't sure how to interpret a newborn's cries, but you helped with that one too. I wasn't sure that I held a place in this world...you made it clear that I do. All that I know and feel as a mom, you have inspired in me.

When your Daddy and I got married, I thought I knew something about love. But then you came along, and Daddy and I both experienced love and joy like no other. One day, I pray you might experience this love for your own child. But for now, you get to experience the love of a sister. A loving, giving, caring, AWESOME big sister.

A big change indeed. But I know you are ready. At one time you wondered if Mommy and Daddy would have enough love for both you and Baby. You know, God has a special way of expanding our hearts and filling them up with more love than we ever thought we could experience. I see your heart growing bigger every day, with lots of love for your little brother. I can only imagine the fun we'll all have! I can only imagine...and I can hardly wait!!

With all of my heart,

Mommy