My Romance

Xee and I don't make a fuss on Valentine's Day. We have always agreed that it is sadly, dripping with so much commercialism and pressure to buy something to show that special someone you love them. Not that there is anything wrong with buying a gift or celebrating this special holiday. In fact, as you all know, we have been quite involved with the traditions of Mr. Valentine this year. So in honor of this special day, this is dedicated to the one I love.

When I look back to over ten years ago, I fondly remember one whirlwind of a romance. Falling hard and fast for a young man I had known for five years, as a mere acquaintance. The swelling in our hearts that both thrilled and scared us to death. The butterflies in my stomach and the absolute resolve that we were on the verge of something so much bigger than the both of us. It was magical.

We've been together now for nearly twelve years, married for almost ten. We have seen friends go through divorces, and we know just how blessed we are to not only still be together, but to have a marriage that thrives.

So I was thinkin' awhile back, about somethin'. What is romance? What does that mean? We are brought up with these romantic ideals. The princess awaits her prince...A knight in shining armor rescues a maiden and sweeps her off her feet...And then we have a few heart-breaks. We get wounded. We start to lose faith in that love. We wonder if it is even possible at all.

I know that not everyone has a story like ours. I feel so fortunate to have such sweet memories of that special time when we fell in love. We exchanged cards for no particular reason, left notes on each other's cars, stayed up talking till we fell asleep on the phone...you know how it goes. It was romantic.

All these years later, I have to tell you...we don't really talk much on the phone, and the butterflies are pretty rare. My definition of romance has evolved. Sure, I still love getting flowers for no occasion at all. We still like to surprise one another with a note here and there (though most likely, a grocery list gets inserted somewhere on the page). Those things are quite nice. But they are just things. And that leaves me back at the question, "What is romance?"

Without looking it up in a dictionary, or taking a survey, I think, for me anyway, I am going to stick to this simple definition. It is what one does to show love. That's it. We can get caught up in how we've been told it should look or feel, the way it looks on others, or how it seems to feel when we see it on a movie screen. But if we want to keep a spark kindled in our plain-old-regular lives, we better not miss what's right in front of us. Sparks are flying all around.

"What do I find romantic about Mr. Her?", you say. Well, while it would be fun to tease you all and say that he makes it a regular habit to massage my feet every night, bring me breakfast in bed, and leave chocolates on my pillow...let me just tell you the truth. He loves me.

He loves me. And I find it romantic that he gets up each day and heads to work, with us in the forefront of his mind, his true motivation for the workday. I find it awfully romantic that on his days off, he takes Phoebe along on his morning work-outs, so I can sleep in. Ah yes, very romantic indeed.

Is it romantic that he gets up with our child in the middle of the night, when she has had a bad dream? And when he takes her downstairs to sleep with him on the futon? Leaving the whole bed just for me? Oh yeah, que' romantica. And that one time (tonight actually), when I had a crazy, fluke accident in the kitchen, while preparing dinner, as I was cutting an insanely spicy chili and some flew up into my eye...and I was freaking out just a bit, he ran to my rescue and flushed out my eye and put his arm around my shoulder while I cried the spiciness away...now that was romantic!

He loves me.

And what I find most romantic is that he adores me most when I look and feel my worst. He chooses me. He chooses me to hang with in our jammies, to sit next to and watch TV. He chooses me when I'm grumpy. When I have bad days. He comes along side me when I struggle. He's at my side when I lay down at night, and when I awake in the morning.

He loves me.

So our romance has changed. There are now three of us in this love affair. As we go through our ups and downs, the ebbs and flows of this partnership, we fall deeper in love each and every year, and this is all punctuated by the fact that we are both so madly in love with someone else. I find that to be the most amazing part of all. I may not get butterflies often, but when our eyes meet in a moment of mutual adoration for that sweet girl of ours, I am truly head over heels.

THAT is magic.

He loves me.

I love him.

Don't forget the little things. Look closely...you may find them adding up to one whirlwind of a romance. Happy Valentine's Day!

Continued...

11. What is your favorite thing to do as a couple? We just like to be with each other. We can watch a movie at home, sit quietly and read together on our linai, or watch the sun go down at the beach. We have always enjoyed one another's company... everything in life is better when we share the experiece. Now that I think about it, and it is the coolest thing, I realize that we have tried lots of things for the first time, side by side. One thing that has always been a common interest is physical fitness. We like to take hikes or kyak, do Pilate's, etc. When we had more free time together (before starting a family) we went to the gym a lot. We mostly did our own thing, but I never grew tired of checking him out from across the room!


12. Do you have children? One very amazing Phoebe. We are hoping to have at least one more child, Lord willing.


13. Does he have hidden talents? He does some pretty impressive origami, and he is known to juggle from time to time. Some people don't know that he was a cheer leader in college...it was a way to meet girls at first, but he was really good! Also, he can recite just about every scene from Forest Gump.


14. How old is he? He just turned 34 on New Year's Day. Oh boy, I am not far behind him...we are rapidly approaching that hill.


15. Who said I love you first? Well, early on in our relationship I mouthed it to him after he fell asleep in my lap. I don't know if that counts, but I was falling so quickly in love with him, yet a little too overwhelmed to say it out loud. He was first to profess his love to me. I only remember this because he also later said, "Just remember who said it first." After eight years of marriage, we still say it every day and we have little symbolic ways of saying it too. It's a little silly, but whenever one of us puts toothpaste on the other's toothbrush...we know it translates, "I love you."


16. His favorite music? On our first date it was clear that this boy liked Country. He has a big heart and he loves those big-hearted Country folk. He also loves Praise and Worship music. His favorite instrument is the cello. And his all-time favorite band is Bon Jovi. Okay, his music taste is pretty varied. I love to listen to him sing in the shower.


17. What do you admire most about him? Hmmm. Him. I admire him. I love that he gets choked up over touching movies (and commercials), that he makes me laugh so hard I think I might pee, that he was the first true gentleman in my life. I love that he is the only other person on the planet who loves Phoebe as I do. I love knowing that the security I feel as his partner and friend is not just for a season, but for a lifetime. And when I get a case of the crazies, as we mommies do, he assures me that he loves me anyway. Ah...true love.


18. What is his favorite color? Blue


19. Will he read this? Yeah, he knows I am writing about him right now.


20. Who do you tag? A few of my friends who blog have already done this, but anyone who hasn't, you're IT!

He's MINE!

The Tea Party Place is playing a little game of tag and I'm it. So here is the scoop on Xee:

1. Where did you meet your husband? This will have to be a detailed answer. The summer before my Freshman year, my mom and I went to SPOP (Student Parent Orientation Program) at the dorms. I got paired in a dorm room with another student for the weekend. A couple months later when school started, I ran into her and we hung out quite a bit. Xee lived in her dorm building. We got introduced in passing...I never would have guessed he was going to be "the one". He and I were acquaintances for many years (five actually) before we fell in love. I'm no longer friends with that girl, but I guess I have her to thank for introducing me to my husband.

2. How long have you been married? It will be nine years July 16. We have always said that we would renew our vows for our ten year anniversary. I can't wait!

3. How long did you date? Almost two years by the time we could manage the wedding plans...but we knew right away that this was it. We talked about our future kids within weeks of dating. It was so crazy...and so amazing.

4. What does he do that surprises you? On the rare occasion that Xee pulls off a surprise, that is a surprise in itself. He's horrible at them. Poor guy tries, but often blurts it out along with something like, "I wanted to surprise you, but...." It drives me crazy, but it is also one of the most endearing qualities about him. He just can't keep it to himself. So while big surprises are rare, he often catches me off guard with love notes and other little things.

5. What is your favorite feature of his? Oooh. Well, I love his smile. He has great lips. But what really stopped me in my tracks were his legs-they're hot. And sadly, much of the time they are much smoother than mine!

6. What is his best quality? He has so many wonderful qualities. Xee is a man of integrity. He is kind and generous and true. I guess his best quality is that he is faithful. He follows through. Anyone who knows him would agree that he has an amazing work ethic. He shows up and gives it everything he has.

7. Does he have a nick name for you? We call each other by many. It is almost weird to hear my first name come out of his mouth...either he really needs my attention or I am in trouble. Anyway, I think my favorite nick name is Love.

8. What is his favorite food? Are chilies a food? The man will put chilies on anything. Or just dip them in salt and eat them by themselves. The first several years of our marriage, I often ate toast or cereal for dinner after taking one bite of something he had prepared. He would reply, "But I only used three this time." It's the quality Honey, not the quantity.

9. What is his favorite sport? He likes lots of sports and is very athletic. He plays basketball and flag football when he gets the chance and will watch just about any pro sport on TV. But the winner, hands-down, is Beach Volleyball.

10.When and where was your first kiss? The day after our first date we got together and stayed up all night talking. We ended up on a bench overlooking Corona Del Mar in Newport, CA. He was mid-sentence and I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to kiss him!

more to come...it's bedtime.

It's the Little Things

When Xee took a five day trip to Phoenix last month I gave him a "quest" of sorts. I told him to bring something back for me. "Something that shows you know me," I told him. You see, for a few years Xee travelled quite a bit and he often came home with little things here and there that he purchased because he was thinkin' about me. They didn't always suit my fancy and they often didn't fit, but he was thinking about me. So when he came home from his trip, unpacked his bag in front of me and there was no indication that anything new had made it's way into his luggage, I wondered.

That night after Phoebe went to bed he pulled out his laptop and told me to listen. He had downloaded a song he heard while driving around in Phoenix. Maybe you've heard it. Remember When by Alan Jackson. A simple gift reminiscent of our inseparable days of courtship when every song brought one another to mind, when the world around us seemed to fade into the background of this exciting new love between us. A very thoughtful gesture from my husband.

This morning I hurried Phoebe out the door and grabbed the iPod Shuffle, ready for a workout. I put the headphones in, turned it on, and there it was. The song. Knowing I would grab the iPod for my exercise ritual at the beach, Xee had added it to the playlist and set it up as the next to play. I smiled as I listened to the words and realized that parts of this song don't apply to us yet. And in this lies the promise that one day they will. We still have so much to experience in this life together. Does he know me? Yeah....I think he does.